Tag Archives: encouragement

Day Sixty-Six: Talking Transparently with God

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READ: Read the passage slowly, noticing the raw way Job communicates about God.

JOB 19:13-27
(13-20) “God alienated my family from me; everyone who knows me avoids me. My relatives and friends have all left; houseguests forget I ever existed. The servant girls treat me like a bum off the street, look at me like they’ve never seen me before. I call my attendant and he ignores me, ignores me even though I plead with him. My wife can’t stand to be around me anymore. I’m repulsive to my family. Even street urchins despise me; when I come out, they taunt and jeer. Everyone I’ve ever been close to abhors me; my dearest loved ones reject me. I’m nothing but a bag of bones; my life hangs by a thread.
(21-22) “Oh, friends, dear friends, take pity on me. God has come down hard on me! Do you have to be hard on me, too? Don’t you ever tire of abusing me?
(23-27) “If only my words were written in a book – better yet, chiseled in stone! Still, I know that God lives – the One who gives me back my life – and eventually he’ll take his stand on earth. And I’ll see him – even though I get skinned alive! – see God myself, with my very own eyes. Oh, how I long for that day!”

THINK: As you read Job’s honest description of his situation–what it’s really like–what word or phrase gives voice to some of your own thoughts, feelings, and desires? Perhaps one of Job’s statements bring to mind something in your life that’s weighing on you or confuses you.

In all honesty, I have to admit that I have never felt this kind of rejection. However, I have been put in the position , in our current situation, in which I can see that, did my husband and I not have the relationships that we do, it very well could happen. Not only that; it often does to most people. And, to be even more painfully honest, what’s worse is, I would have been one of the people that would – most likely – ostracize someone who was in the position we are in now.
How easy it is to judge when we’ve not been made to see where we need compassion!
To put a more positive spin on things: I think I’d have to say that this realization has been one of the best things to come out of what we’re going through. Being forced to walk a path that I never thought I’d have to walk because I have been obedient. But not just that: my kids are being forced to walk it as well. This is something my husband and I have discussed at length. If this is something we have to pay for because of sins in our past; FINE. But why make our kids pay the price as well. We are living under the New Covenant. There is not supposed to be any more of this: the sins of the Father are visited on the children to the 3rd and 4th generation.
But see how, even in that statement, I made the same kind of judgment that Job’s friends were making. For the majority of the time I’ve been alive, I have always equated suffering with wrong-doing, with punishment for sin (whether I remembered the sin or not). I’ve always figured that if I was suffering, I was being punished, which means I MUST HAVE done something wrong. So, imagine my shock when, my husband and I were obedient to what we felt like the Lord was calling us to do, and then things did not go the way they are “supposed to”. Then, the confusion is only compounded by the idea that we could pay a price for this for the rest of our lives.
I am thankful for the blessing of friends who have not behaved toward me as Job’s friends behaved toward him. But I am humbled by the knowledge that I have, far too many times, been one of Job’s friends – whether I said the words out loud or not.

PRAY: Talk to God about the feelings and thoughts that surface. Be as open as Job as you share them with him. You might write them out to him or just talk to him like a friend – one you’re in conflict with, but one who wants to work through that conflict with you.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you that, with you, nothing is wasted! Thank you that, even in the midst of hard times, you continue to work all things for our benefit. Thank you for the assurance in Scripture that says you have a plan to prosper us, and not to harm us. Thank you for making all things beautiful in their time.
For those who are reading this, who are in the midst of a painful set of circumstances, and can’t understand why, I pray for peace and comfort. I pray You would give them glimpses of the work you are doing that they might be able to make enough sense out of what’s going on to keep going. I pray that You would show them where you’re molding them and shaping them, transforming them more into the likeness of Your Son.
For anyone reading this who has been falsely accused and is suffering persecution, for their spouses, for their children and other loved ones: I pray that you would offer them the assurance that these circumstances have nothing to do with how pleased with them You are. Living in a fallen world, in a world filled with sin, sometimes it’s easy to feel like You have abandoned us at our moments of deepest need. Lord, I pray that you would give each of these people the peace that you have not forsaken them, that you are not deaf to their cries, that you are hearing their prayers, and that they have been answered, though they just cannot see the answer yet. I pray for a renewed sense of hope for good things to come. I pray that their relationships with you would be strengthened, taken to a level deeper than they thought they could ever go.
I pray for fresh insights into the nature of your character. I pray that what seem to be like paradoxes in your character would be cleared up as they come to see that you are both just and merciful, that you do not wish that we would suffer but that you have allowed it in order that you might be glorified.
I pray for “AHA” moments: moments where we realize the truth of something we have known with our heads for so long has finally sunken in, finally taken hold, and we are now able to walk with a sense of peace that we have never had before, and with a deeper understanding of how you work in our lives.
Finally, Lord, I want to thank you for the gift of your Son, Jesus Christ. Thank you that we do not have a high priest who cannot identify with us in our suffering. Thank you that we have a representative before Your Throne who knows how badly pain feels because He has felt it. Thank you that we have an ambassador who knows what betrayal feels like because He has felt it. Thank you for descending to Earth, in bodily form, to live as a man, so that you can know how it feels to be here. Thank you for the hope that offers, because, sometimes, just knowing that someone else has been through what we are going through and they made it, is enough to help us keep going. Thank you for those moments when you allow us to see that we are not as far away from you as we feel. Thank you for those times when you show us just a glimpse of what you working out of us and working into us. Thank you for those times when, we get to see the front of the tapestry of our lives, instead of just the knotted back.
And for those times during the refining process when we do not have to sit in the fire, or have to be banged on, I thank you for rest.
In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen

LIVE: As you go through the rest of your day, pay close attention to thoughts and feelings (similar to or different from those in your prayer time) that arise in relation to events, conversations, and experiences. Tell God about them as they come up, so you’re carrying on an extended dialogue with him all day long.
At the end of the day, take a few moments to remember what happened, in particular what it was like to talk to God throughout the day’s circumstances.

Day Sixty-Four: Giving Comfort

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READ:  Read the passage aloud slowly, keeping in mind that Eliphaz from Teman is speaking to his friend Job, who has just experienced the death of his children and the loss of all he had.

JOB 5:17-21

(17-19)  “So, what a blessing when God steps in and corrects you!  Mind you, don’t despise the discipline of the Almighty God!  True, he wounds, but he also dresses the wound; the same hand that hurts you, heals you.  From one disaster after another he delivers you; no matter what the calamity, the evil can’t touch you–

(20-21)  “In famine, he’ll keep you from starving; in war, from being gutted by the sword.  You’ll be protected from vicious gossip and live fearless through any catastrophe.

THINK:  Read the passage again and put yourself in the place of Job, who listened to these words.  How do they fall on your ear?

Read the passage again and put yourself in the place of Eliphaz.  What feelings and attitudes fill you as you speak these words?

  1. What makes a comforter really helpful? Is telling the truth enough?
  2. What did Job need from Eliphaz?
  3. What might be in the heart of a person who preaches at someone who is so far down?

PRAY:  Ask the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, to give you what is needed to truly comfort despairing people.  If you want guidance for your prayer, ask the Comforter to give you tools to help people in trouble go to him.  Ask him to give you tools to draw them out to say to him whatever they need to express.  Plead with the Comforter to make you his messenger, to prevent you from moralizing and giving advice.

LIVE:  Rest your mind on someone who is in deep trouble.  Pray only the word PEACE for them–no suggestions, no fixing, no rescuing.  Just trusting.

I have been Eliphaz so many times in my life I cannot even count.  Maybe that sounds weird coming from a counselor.  Maybe it just sounds insecure.  It ought to.  Because for myself, I can say that when I have sounded like Eliphaz it has been because I have been extremely insecure.  It has happened most often when someone is sitting in front of me telling me a sad story of something that has happened in his (or her) life, and I’ve wanted to say something so desperately to make sense out of all of it.  As if I could.  I’ve wanted to make it better.  I’ve wanted to be comforting but never felt like I had words enough to express my deep sorrow.

Then, my life went sideways.  I had plenty of people to talk to, plenty of people willing to listen, who actually cared when they asked me how I felt.  And the people who helped me the most were the ones who had no idea what to say, and said so.  Or, they said nothing at all.  They didn’t try to make sense of my life for me.  They didn’t offer me trite passages of Scripture, taken out of context.

But, then, there were people who did have something to offer.  You know who they were?  The people who had truly suffered in their lives.  The comfort they offered, through a well-timed passage of scripture that helped them while they were suffering:  that was golden!  But…to be honest, I don’t even remember most of those scriptures.  What I remember most was the overwhelming sense of being heard and understood.  I had been comforted with the comfort they had received when they most needed it.  Their spirits ministered to mine in my deepest hour (or hours) of need.  It was in those moments that I felt most loved!

It was in those moments, too, that I learned the benefits and blessings and comfort of just sitting with someone who is hurting.  Of being willing to hear anything that needed to be said.  Of being willing to sit in the uncomfortable silence if there weren’t words enough to express the hurt.

I don’t think I will ever know all the whys concerning our situation.  Finally, I’m getting to the point that I don’t feel it will be necessary.  What I do know is that this situation could not have been better timed in my education as a Christian counselor and Marriage and Family Therapist.  Before this thing happened in my family’s life, I had serious doubts.  I doubted if I was pursuing the right line of education.  I doubted if I would ever be able to help anybody.  I didn’t doubt enough to quit.  But then…I don’t quit.  By the time you have as much money invested in something as I have in this, you don’t quit.  Even if you don’t do anything with it, you don’t quit.  Even when life knocks you sideways and you feel like you have no business trying to finish something as “high-falootin'” as a Master’s Degree, you don’t quit.

So, I didn’t quit.  And now, here I am, in the last of my classes, and – because of this thing that has happened in my life – I am certain that I have pursued the right line of work.  Not only am I certain that I am in the right degree field, but I am convinced that I did not actually choose it.

In fact, the last time I was here at Liberty, taking the first two of my four intensives, people asked me why I chose the Marriage and Family program instead of the License Professional Counselor program.  The only answer I could give:  I didn’t, actually.  It chose me.  In the first place, I had no idea there was such a thing as a Licensed Professional Counseling program when I first signed on at Liberty.  But, I knew that I wanted to help families.  My husband and I had both lived through our own parents’ divorces, and we were making it, so I also wanted to be able to offer my services to struggling couples.  So…the first person I talked to suggested the Marriage and Family program and that’s what I took.  It was just as simple, and unplanned, as that.

And now…here I am.  And once I decided to stop whining about the valley God decided to lead me through, I began to see the beauty all around me.  It seems weird to say it, and I don’t know quite how to explain it, but I have come to see beauty in the midst of suffering.  Or, in the vulnerability and the sweetness of the depth of relationships that suffering can have if you let God do His Work.

Don’t get me wrong.  The process of suffering is ugly.  It hurts and it doesn’t make sense most of the time.  But, if you can look past what’s on the surface, look past the walls people are putting up, and sit with them long enough to trust that you are safe, you will start to see the real person underneath.  You will come to a place of being able to love that person as God loves them.  And you will see their true beauty.  With some people it happens faster than with others.  But, fortunately, when you grow up with people who’ve been deeply hurt, you learn really quickly not to let walls and angry barks scare you away.  You learn to stick with it, because you know, deep down in your soul, that every person is worth listening to.  BUT, you have to get over yourself, and your urge to fix them.  They don’t need fixing!  They need to be heard.  They need to know that someone values them the way their Creator does.

THAT’S WHAT TRUE COMFORT LOOKS LIKE.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you for coming down out of heaven to make a way for us to be able to get there.  Thank you that you made a way for us to have peace on this earth, even in the midst of trials and suffering.

Thank you that you do not leave us alone until your work is completed.  Thank you for your patience.

I pray, now, for those who are hurting today.  I pray that you would comfort them.  I pray that you would send them people to comfort them and hold them, and let them be as ugly as they need to be.  But, most of all, I pray for them peace.  I don’t know all the answers.  Nobody does, but you.  So, only You can offer the peace that passes all understanding.  For all the hurting in the world, for anyone reading this that desperately needs your Comfort right now, please rain it down upon them right now.  Make it unmistakably obvious.  Make it tangible even.

Thank you for loving us!

In Jesus’ Name I pray,

Amen.