Tag Archives: faith

Day Twelve: What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

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Good morning everyone.  Technically, this is Day 14.  Yesterday, I spent the day with friends swimming and then, had to “move into” the home where I will be house-sitting for the next few weeks; so, it was a full day.  As I sat in the living room of said house this morning, listening to birds, thinking about this devotional, I realized that if I don’t start getting up in the morning and taking care of this, I will continue to let a day or two slip away, until – before I know it or realize it – I will be so far behind, I’ll just have to scrap it or start over.  So…without further delay:

 

READ:  The passage, today, takes us to Numbers 14:1-24.  The passage includes a prayer by Moses, asking forgiveness for the Israelites (once again).  The party of 12 had just went to scout out the Promised Land and ten of the returning men decided that the giants in the land were too big and that there was no way they could move in and take it from them.  Only two, Joshua and Caleb, said that God would give the land over to them and that they should be obedient.  God did forgive the Israelites, but still, a whole generation had to pass away before He would allow them to enter into the Promised Land.  Joshua and Caleb would lead them in, but not before Moses himself passed away.  Take a look at verse 24:

 

“But my servant Caleb–this is a different story.  He has a different spirit; he follows me passionately.  I’ll bring him into the land that he scouted and his children will inherit it.”

 

This is what God said about Caleb.  How I would love it if God could say that about me and my family!

 

THINK:  Could you imagine, knowing that God thought as highly of you as He thought of Caleb? 

 

In this section, we are asked:  (1) What impresses you most about God?  Why?  And (2) What impresses you most about Caleb?  Why?   What impresses me most about God is the way he speaks about Caleb.  He is confident that Caleb will be able to move into the land and take it over the way God has commanded them to.  I would love knowing that God could be that confident in me.  What impresses me most about Caleb is that he trusted God.  There were giants in the land but God said He would deliver the land into their hands, so all they had to do was be obedient, go in, and take it.  None of their victories ever came without a fight, but God went before them every time and there was not an enemy the Israelites encountered that they did not overcome when they handled things the way God told them to.  Caleb and Joshua saw the lay of the land.  No doubt they saw exactly the same thing the other 10 members of the party saw, but they knew their God was faithful and would do for them what he had done for them all along.

 

PRAY:  Ask God to show you where you fit in this passage.  How might you be tempted to “[turn] a deaf ear”?  How might God be calling you to live a different story–to be one who has “a different spirit” from others, who follows God passionately even though it might involve risks (for example, loving the unlovely, pursuing a career that makes less money, admitting to others the mistakes you’ve made)?

 

LIVE:  Imagine what it would feel like to have such trust in God that you would be willing to take whatever next steps God presents to you.  Imagine what it would be like to be so different from others that you might be excluded because of it.

 

There are easy routes and there are hard routes.  I’ve taken both in my life time.  When I’ve taken the easy route, I’ve come out pretty, unscathed, paint unscratched, looking none the worse for wear.  But, I was untested and, most definitely, unprepared for any future fight.  Also, I was not inclined to go looking for the next test either.  The times when I have been most gratified is when I did the hard thing and came out on the other side of it.  Maybe a little battered or bruised, with a few dings and scratches.  Maybe even by the skin of my teeth.  But I made it.  And I was stronger because of it.  And more prepared for the next battle.  Not just that, but I was almost looking for the next thing I could tackle.

 

Over the course of the last few years, I have found myself wanting to take a few steps back from the fight.  I’ve felt like I’ve had so many battles on so many fronts that I’ve wanted to dial back on one of them in particular.  My schooling takes so much time and energy that I’ve found myself saying:  “I’ve got 7 years to complete it.  I could take some time off and go do something else for a while.  The only person saying that I need to keep pushing through is me.”  Yet, every time I’ve said that or felt that, I’ve gotten this feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me to just keep going.  I even had those thoughts when I was in Lynchburg for my counseling classes.  There were people all around me who had taken a much less intense route than I had and I found myself wondering why in the world I hadn’t done a little more research to find an easier route.  Or at least a shorter one.  Why did I have to be in a program that was requiring so much of me, and at a time in my life when things seemed to be falling apart everywhere else?  What was I thinking?

 

The truth is:  I wasn’t “thinking” when I took this route.  It kinda fell into my lap and it just felt “right”.  I didn’t question whether or not it was the right thing to do because everything I was learning was meeting me right where I was and kept propelling me forward.  Even when I was in Lynchburg and people asking me why I chose the Marriage and Family Therapy route instead of the Licensed Professional Counselor route, which is a shorter program, it never occurred to me that I had chosen the wrong route, but it did get me to thinking:  “You mean, I could’ve been done by now?  Why did I choose this?”  I’ve come to the conclusion that I didn’t choose this.  It must’ve been chosen for me.  Why?  Well, because, had I known what I was getting myself into, I would not have chosen this.  And with our current situation, I could’ve dropped this at any time and just went to work at Wal-Mart.  Or Starbucks.  But faith propelled me to keep going.  I just had this sense that there was something better waiting on the other side, so I had to keep going.  Even now, when things get tough and I just want to run back home and go live a simple life in the country, I feel like I would be running away from my life.  Only instead of the Israelites who just WANTED to run back to Egypt, I would actually be doing it.

 

Come to think of it, when I do stop and “think” about what I’m doing, none of it makes any sense.  Who on earth would take a backseat on the running of their lives?  Why would you entrust your life to God when He seems to have dropped you on your head?  Why wouldn’t I just take control of my life back?

 

I don’t know what my next steps will look like; God has those hidden from me, right now.  And I am well aware of why.  If I knew what He was going to require of me next – if any of us did – we would turn tail and run for the hills because of what it would entail, and how much he wants to stretch us out of our comfort zone.  And, honestly, I don’t want to try to imagine what it would be like to be so different from others that I might be excluded.  I would rather just cross that bridge when I come to it.  One thing I have discovered to be true for my life, however, is that even when I am being excluded by some (hurtful though it may be), I am being included by others.  I have never been truly alone regardless of how pressing my circumstances were.  Even when I have been smack in the middle of a set of choices that has made some people roll their eyes or shake their heads, I have never been alone! 

 

I don’t know what God is calling me to, but I know that – based on my current set of circumstances and how much it is stretching me and prodding me to go deeper in my walk with the Lord – whatever is next is going to be something that requires the faith and strength I have earned on this leg of my journey.  And I know that for every scar I have gotten while on this walk, I have earned a story that I will be able to share with others who are in the midst of making their own scars, or who have already had their fair share of scars and who will be there to remind me that those scars were not, and are not EVER wasted.

 

So…at the beginning I asked the question:  “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”  I’ve heard that many times and every time, up until now, I’ve been left thinking: but I can fail.  Well, the truth of the matter is: if nothing is wasted, then I haven’t failed.  So long as I keep going and keep trying, I haven’t failed.  So long as I trust that God will deliver into my hands the victory He has promised, I can’t fail because the results are not actually up to me.  All he needs is my obedience and for me to trust Him when he says that the outcome is in His hands.

 

 

 

 

Day Eleven: Don’t Forget

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This post is a day late, I realize.  Last night, there was a congregational meeting at our church that ran a little late.  So, today, you get 2 for the price of 1.

 

Day Eleven’s reading comes from Numbers.

 

READ:  Numbers 9:4-5, 9-12.  This particular passage begins with Moses telling the Israelites to celebrate Passover in the wilderness of Sinai, which they did.  Then, it lays out instructions regarding their cleanliness in regards to the keeping of the Passover. 

 

THINK: “As humans, we are forgetful people, and as forgetful people we need tangible reminders–symbols–of who God is and what He’s done…..Under what circumstances are you most prone to forget who God is and what He’s done for you?”

 

This question convicts me.  Many times over the course of the current situation my family is living through I have forgotten God, who He is and what He’s done for us.  I’ve been so busy being mad over my circumstances, feeling like God had forsaken me, whining about how He had let this happen, that I had neglected to keep in mind, and thank Him for all the things that He was doing and had done in my life, that would prove He hadn’t actually forsaken me/us.  Sadly, once you start down the road of “poor, pitiful me,” it’s easy to just keep going.  This is not the first time I’ve found myself needing the prompting from these scriptures. 

 

PRAY:  “Take a stroll down memory lane.  Think about the times when God was evident and at work.  Allow your memories to guide your prayers of gratitude for all He has done.”

 

This is the one thing that has been one of my biggest weaknesses, especially over the past year.  How easy it is to forget how good God has been when He has refused to give me my way.  Or when things have gone my way, but because they were going well, I decided to take the credit for myself.

 

When I left home, I mistakenly thought that I could have exactly the life I wanted because I said so.  For most of my life, things went pretty well like I thought they would.  When I made good choices, things went well.  When I didn’t choose so well, there were consequences.  Everything was a fair game of give and take that always seemed to end with my coming out about where I figured I would, and at least where I aimed for, because I had aimed.  That was just the way life was supposed to be.  Right?  You make a plan.  You work the plan.  Just like they say in recovery programs.  “It works if you work it, so work it.”  Granted, I would slack sometimes and not get what I thought I wanted, but if I had really wanted whatever that thing was, then I’d have worked hard enough to get it. 

 

This thinking had even crept into my walk with the Lord.  I figured if I was obedient, like the Bible says I am to be, then I will be rewarded.  How is it that I had managed to miss all those pesky little passages about being guaranteed to suffer if I am identified with Christ?  Somewhere along the way, the messages that said that if they hated Christ, they would surely hate me, had become just something that I would hear in church every once in a while, or something that happened in countries where Christians were really persecuted every day.  In China, of course, this would happen.  In Muslim countries, naturally, people should expect that their obedience to the Word of God would be met with hatred and disdain and even outright violence.  But, this is not China.  And this is not a Iraq or Syria.  So, I should’ve been fine.

 

Then, one day, I spoke with a lady at church who told me something (2 things, really) that really stuck with me.  The first thing:  God wants us to come to with for everything and with everything, and if the only way He can get us to do that is to keep us desperate for Him, because we cannot help ourselves, He will.  In fact, during one particularly rough time in her life, she prayed that she would always be desperate for God.  My family’s current situation was only in its infancy and all I could think to say to her is:  “But, I never prayed that prayer.”  But all I could think was:  “Why in the name of all that is holy would anybody ever pray that prayer?”

 

Then, about a year ago, this same woman said to me, “The thing about God is, what He wants is for our insides to match our outsides.”  Look back at that prayer I said people would have to be crazy to pray.  What I realized shortly after this precious woman shared this second thing with me was that I had, in fact, prayed prayers of desperation.  I had sat in the pews at the church I attended in high school, a church I attended for 5 years and never once felt like I fit in, begging God to show me what this thing called Christianity was all about.  Surely there had to be more to being a Christian than just saying some prayer and then sitting in a church pew for the rest of my life.  I mean, if this is it, then why not just take me now.  Otherwise, why else am I here?  There has to be more to it than this.  Please, show me what it is.

 

Then, as I got older, and had kids, and felt like I had kind of stagnated, I would pray that God would let me make a difference in the world, that He would “really” use me.  I was hung up on doing something “big” for God.  What I didn’t realize, at the time, was that I was more concerned about doing something for God than I was about having a relationship with Him.  I figured that if I could “really do something for God,” – something good enough or big enough or that nobody else had ever thought of or done – then He would have to accept me.  I just couldn’t  or wouldn’t or didn’t trust that He would accept me as I was and then equip me for the position He wanted me to fill.  And even that, He wouldn’t do until I had totally submitted to Him:  my plans, my will, my husband, my kids, my life.

 

Then, our desperate situation hit.  To say that my world was turned on its head would be an understatement.  I don’t know that it’s necessarily true to say that I forgot about God, but I felt like He had forgotten about me.  I felt betrayed because He didn’t answer my prayers (and those of MANY other people) the way I wanted them answered.  I felt like I had entrusted my heart to Him and He had taken it, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it.  Yet, I am surrounded by people who kept telling me that I could trust Him.  “All things work together for good for those that love the Lord.”  “Yes, I know,” I would say.  But, in my head, all I could think was, “Is it gonna happen this side of Heaven, because, if not, then I don’t know if I want this.” 

 

Then, I went to Lynchburg for my intensives.  As I mentioned in previous posts, I went with just one prayer:  God, please show up.  Please reveal yourself to me.  I don’t care if it hurts, or if I don’t hear what I want to hear.  Just show up and show me something.

 

I had faith enough to pray that and I hoped (probably more than I actually believed) that He would answer it and not leave me sitting in silence wondering what in the world I was doing.  And some of what He showed me was painful.  There were some ingrained thought patterns I had come to accept over the years – thoughts about God, thoughts about myself, thoughts about my self-worth – that were simply not true, that I am going to have to work to overcome.  There were also things God showed me that let me see that He had not forgotten about me, things that He had done for me and/or my family over the course of our situation, that could only have come from Him.  THOSE things, I was not thinking about when I was complaining.  I was too busy being ungrateful and indignant that He had put me in the position to be thankful for things I had never even wanted.  And to top it all off, I kept trying to run away from the circumstances I found myself in because I just wanted so desperately to try to regain some semblance of control over my life.  But every time I tried, something would happen, and I would fall flat on my face again or be told “no” again.  I was actively trying to forget God because I felt like He had just abandoned me. 

 

But the truth is:  God had not abandoned me.  No, instead, He was being faithful to answer the desperate prayers of a teenager, tired of not fitting in, who prayed that God would show her that there was so much more to being a Christian than just getting dressed up, playing church, and filling a pew every Sunday for the rest of my life.  Granted, He hasn’t answered the way I wanted, but He has been answering it the way He has for generations.  How is that, you ask? Well, for example, there is only one disciple (John) who died of old age.  ONE.  And even that one was boiled in a huge basin of oil, but survived.   

 

What I have discovered (or what I have been shown) is that the only way that I can possibly grasp the gravity of what Christ did for me is to be put in the position to see how desperately I need Him.  If I am honest, that is a position I have desperately tried to avoid my entire life.  My prayers did not reflect that though.  Come on!  Tell me, when was the last time you heard someone pray that God would make them a mediocre Christian, or that their walk with the Lord would be mediocre?  Don’t most people pray that they would be “on fire” for the Lord?  Yet, once the fire’s lit, how often do we start praying for rain?  How often do we start telling God that the fire’s too hot, that we can’t stand the heat, or that THIS is not what we actually wanted.  All of a sudden, we forget just how God has blessed us and delivered us before, and now…we just want out.  Or maybe that’s just me. 

 

When God started answering the prayers I had prayed years ago, I had forgotten that I had prayed them.  Then, over the years, I had forgotten the scriptures that remind us to count it all joy when we suffer all kinds of trials because they are testing our faith, which builds our endurance, with then ensures that we have everything we need, that we are perfected – complete and lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4).  Finally, I had forgotten just how God goes about preparing His people to walk with Him in a world that will grow increasingly more hostile toward Christians as the world progresses. 

 

So, let me wrap this up, by sharing the final section with you.

 

LIVE:  “Create a symbol that will remind you of God’s faithfulness in your life.  Maybe it’s a photograph of your close friends or a rock you picked up during a hike.  Put this symbol in a place where you will see it often.  When you look at it, be reminded and thank God for his blessings.”

 

I don’t have a symbol yet.  I have not created one yet.  But I keep thinking about how so many Old Testament figures built altars so that future generations would remember what God had done for them on that particular occasion.  I believe that this is definitely something that would be helpful to me, for the next time that I forget how God has met all my needs according to His riches in glory.  For now, what I do is write.  In a way, this devotional is my altar.  And every day, I add another stone to remind me of how God is continuing the good work He began in my nearly 32 years ago, and of how I can be confident that He will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.

Day Ten: What is Holiness?

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READ:  Today’s reading is Leviticus 22:1-8, but the extended passage is chapters 19-22.

 

In this passage, God informs Moses that he needs to tell Aaron that he and his sons need to remember to treat the holy offerings the Israelites consecrated to Him with reverence so they won’t desecrate God’s holy name, because He is God.  Then, He proceeds to lay out a series of rules that tell what all could make them unclean and what they must to do avoid becoming unclean, as well as what they will need to do to become clean again.

 

THINK:  In this section we are asked to read the passage again, noticing our reactions toward God about what we’ve read.  It asks if we feel drawn closer to God or repelled from Him, and then, we are encouraged to talk with Him about it, exploring what could be the possible causes for our response.  Then, the challenge comes to ask God to show us more of ourselves — “the memories, opinions, and feelings you bring to him on this day.”

 

This is where I began to wonder just what holy actually meant.  So, I looked it up.  I had what I thought was a rudimentary idea, but I wanted to make sure I knew for sure.  It means consecrated, set apart, separated.  Another definition is “set apart for a special purpose.”  That definition I could grasp.  But then:  why the urge to be holy as God is holy? 

 

I know how to set apart a thing or a person for a special purpose.  But how does that apply to God?  How does one define God as holy, when He is the one who does the defining?  If he is above all things, and has created all things, and therefore, has dominion over all things…is that what makes Him HOLY?  Is He holy because He is unchangeable?  Because He is omniscient?  Omnipresent?  Omnipotent?    I think I’ve discovered that the answer to all of these questions is: YES. 

 

But what really struck me about that passage is just how unattainable true holiness really is apart from Christ.  With all the rules the Levites had for being able to approach the Holy of Holies, it was no wonder they had to enter with a rope tied around their wastes.  If they forgot even one thing, the Holy and Just God would have to punish their sin.  Therefore, the only way that person was going to get out was by being dragged out.  But, because of Christ, the veil to the Holy of Holies has been rent from top to bottom and, now, we are all free to enter in, to have a personal relationship with God, because Christ’s death and the shedding of the blood of the perfectly pure, sinless sacrifice paid the price for every sin for the rest of eternity.  So long as we accept it.  We no longer have to worry about whether or not we have asked forgiveness for every single one of our sins before we can go to God.  We can come to Him with those sins, known and unknown, and ask Him to show us where we need to ask forgiveness and He will tell us, and then we can ask forgiveness for all of them and repent. 

 

That is the only way that we can be holy as God is holy.  Because, without Christ, we can never be seen as sinless.  Without Christ, the best we could do is hope we hadn’t forgotten any of the rules, and had covered all of our bases, before we approached God. 

 

You see with the God of the Bible and Christianity, there is no such thing as “good enough” or a balanced scale.  You can never attain a state where the scales tip heavier on the side of your good works because as long as there is even a speck of dirt on the other side, you are all bad and deserving of an eternity in Hell, because a Holy and Righteous and Just God cannot and will not wink at sin.  The wages of sin is death.  Plain and simple.  That is the holiness of God.  And that is why we need Christ.  Because of His sacrifice on the cross at Calvary, the debt of our sins has been paid.  If we accept Christ, God will look at us and only see His Son standing in our place, saying: “His sins are paid for.  I took care of that bill.  He can come in.”  Without Christ as our vouchsafe, we would all be doomed to Hell. 

 

But as harsh as that sounds, it was God who provided that way out.  God, who cared so deeply about His creation that He said, “He is not willing that any should perish” and that “whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”  God must punish sin because He is Holy, but He doesn’t want to because He loves His creation. 

 

PRAY:  This section challenges us to (maybe) ask God to help us increase our belief that He is holy, and then to ask Him to show us how this truth interacts with our first reaction. 

 

LIVE:  “Use this silent time to rest in the presence of the holy God, who has just made himself known to you.  Let go of your own words and let yourself enjoy the experience.”

 

And with that, I will leave you.  Take some time and let the weight of what the word HOLY means to you.  See what God wants to show you.  Then, if you’d like, drop on back by and share, if you’d like.  I’d love to hear from you.

 

Good night,

Patty

Day Nine: Letting Go of Sin

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READ:  Today’s passage comes from Leviticus 16 (verses 20-22, specifically, though they recommend reading through to verse 30).  This passage talks about the scapegoat.  The scapegoat was the goat upon whose head the nation’s sins were placed.  Then, this goat was sent out into the wilderness, taking those sins with him.

THINK:  Here we are given a list of activities to consider performing.  I will list them for you.

 

  1. Picture yourself laying your hands on this precious animal’s head.  Even better, hold a stuffed animal, figurine, or even your pet, and put your hands on its head.

 

  1. Confess to God your acts of rebellion, your bad attitudes, and your harsh thoughts about others.

 

  1. Experience the feeling of transferring your sin to this animal.  (Don’t feel sorry for the animal.  God didn’t give it the capacity to take on hurt or guilt from your sin.)

 

  1. See yourself sending it off as it takes your sin far away from you.

PRAY:  What do you wish to say to God about having sent your sins off without you? 

Now, that’s a powerful question.  To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how to respond to that question.  God says that this is good enough, but my mind questions:  “Is that really all there is to it?  Surely, that can’t be it.  What else do I have to do?”  I can also say that just that response right there would be enough for me to not want to take that step, if I didn’t already know better.    Even so, it was hard to actually do that activity in faith.  I kept getting this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that there’s no way this could be good enough, because, what if the goat comes back?  How do we get so good at rationalizing away everything?  But, even more important to ask, if that’s all there is to it, then why not do it and trust what God says?  What do we have to lose but our sins?

LIVE:  Quiet your mind and wait on God to show you situations in which you need to remember what you just did.  Practice resting assured of God’s love in those situations as you are resting assured now.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the gift of the scapegoat.  Thank you that you have made it just that easy for me to be separated from my sins, since I cannot ever hope to make atonement for them myself.  Thank you that You came after me when I was lost, and for continuing to chase after me until I am back home in the fold.  Forgive me, Lord, when I have cheapened the sacrifice of Your Son by refusing to believe that it is enough.  Help me to remember, when I am having the hardest time forgiving myself, that I cannot withhold from myself that which you have so freely given.  And when I am hurting and tempted to seek vengeance on those who have wronged me or my family, remind me that you withhold your forgiveness from nobody and that I will only be forgiven the measure I am willing to forgive.  Give me strength to walk in faith, resting in this forgiveness, claiming it for myself as my victory over sin.  Every.  Single.  Day.

In Jesus’ Precious Name, Amen.

Day Eight: The Necessity of Sacrifice

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This devotional takes us back to the basics of the Gospel but we begin by reading back in Leviticus.

 

READ:  Leviticus 4:32-35.  This passage covers the rules for bringing a sacrifice to the altar for an Absolution-Offering.  Absolution for sin. 

 

THINK:  “Each (sacrifice) served a specific purpose for interaction with God.  For example, a sin offering was given for confession, forgiveness, and cleansing.  Why does God take sin so seriously?  When we sin, what sort of sacrifices are we required to bring to God?”

 

PRAY:  Ask God to help you understand the severity of your own sin.  Thank God that he sent Jesus, the Lamb of God, to come and be the sacrifice for your sins.

 

LIVE:  Knowing that God has provided the ultimate sacrifice through his Son, Jesus, consider sharing this great truth with someone today.  As you drive, walk, work, and relax, whisper under your breath, “Thank you, Jesus,” each time you remember the sacrifice he made for your sins.

 

I wish there was something I could add to this.  Honestly, I’m coming down off of a really good message at church that was the capstone for my entire last two weeks.  It was breakfast Sunday, so I got there early and ate with a man that I’ve not had a chance to really talk to yet.  We swapped an abridged version of our life stories and talked at length about suffering and what it has looked like in our lives.  The man (I will call him “Joe”) told me about where he was in his life at the moment, and how he thanked God every day that he got a second chance at life, and did not intend to do anything to mess it up.  As for me, I shared with Joe, just how I had spent my last couple of weeks and the necessity for it.  Joe proceeded to tell me just to stay strong.  It was a really good chance to be able to extend my two weeks of devotional time. 

 

After that, we went into the service.  Worship was phenomenal.  Honestly, I cannot recall the last time I actually worshipped.  And I know that, within the last year, I haven’t truly worshipped at all.  I haven’t even been able to sing at the top of my voice this past year, and probably not for the past 3 years.  Before that, the memory gets fuzzy.  I’ve been so consumed by the drama that was our lives at the time, that I simply can’t remember what my worship life was like.  However, I believe I was too concerned with how I looked in worship to actually do it.  NOT TODAY!! 

 

Don’t get me wrong, I have participated in worship every Sunday I’ve been there.  However, most of the time, I was standing there saying, “I am singing to you because you deserve this.  You are God and I am not.”  But today was different.  I was feeling worshipful.  Now, I realize that worship is not about the feeling.  But today, I didn’t have to try to force something that felt like a lie.  I was worshiping.  Praising God because He deserves to be praised and singing the words, and meaning it, and basking in it.  I can’t describe it, but if you’ve felt it, I don’t have to.

 

Then, the preaching started.  We started a new series this week on the book of James.  We started at the beginning and we are going to work our way through.  So, today, we read Chapter 1, verses 1-4, concentrating primarily on 2-4.  Let me share:

 

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance (or steadfastness).  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

 

I wish I could share with you everything that our preacher said because it was JUST THAT GOOD.  But, what was so amazing was that it was almost like he had been eavesdropping on my past two weeks and my conversation with Joe.  Over the past year, he has shared many services that have hit my right where I was living, but most of the time, I’ve been sitting there, crying, trying not to keep sniffing through his entire sermon.  This time, I was rejoicing.  It was like God was continuing to smile down on me after having been there for me all week. 

 

So…how do I bring this back around and tie it into today’s devotional? 

 

I guess it all comes down to grace.  God’s grace is why we are on the Earth, and God’s grace provided the first sacrifice that covered Adam and Eve’s sin.  That sacrifice and every other atoning sacrifice in the Old Testament pointed to Jesus Christ, the last sacrifice that would ever need to be made for the whole of mankind’s sins.  And that sacrifice made it possible for me to have the devotional time I had the last two weeks.  God has always actively sought out His creation in hopes of redeeming them and bringing us back to Himself.  Most of the time, we spend our lives running the other way.  But when, like the prodigal son, we make our way home, even just part of the way, Our Father comes running out to us, and orders the fatted calf slain in order that He might throw us a party, in celebration that we have returned to the fold!  For me, that was what worship was like today! 

 

How could I not go out into the world and share that with people.  That freedom.  That relief.  That grace that taught my heart to fear.  The grace my fears relieved.  The grace that has brought me safe thus far.  And the grace that leads me home.  

Day Seven: God Encounters

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Good morning everyone.  Technically, this would be Day Eight, but I spent the bulk of yesterday driving and, when I arrived home, the people I live with were hosting a small get-together.  Needless to say, by the end of the day, and after the last couple of weeks, I was pretty much wiped out.  But, I am back home from Liberty (Lynchburg, VA) now.

 

Day Seven of the SOLO devotional is different than the preceding six days. On the seventh day, we are asked to review and reflect on all we read during the week and to revel in the ways we’ve encountered God in the past six days.

 

REVIEW:  This week, we have read about reconciliation in Genesis 3 and about wrestling with God until we get a blessing in Genesis 32.  Genesis 50 (verses 15-21) gave us a picture of forgiveness by looking at the story of Joseph and his brothers.  Day Four asked us to read Exodus 3 and the story about Moses and the burning bush and the holy ground.  We were challenged to pay attention to our lives in a way that might help us to notice God and His Holiness.  On Day Five, we read about the Israelites begging for meat; so, God gave them quail and manna.  This was in Exodus 16 (9-16).  Then, on Day Six, we read about God shielding Moses from the full effects of His Glory, but that God did allow Moses to see His Back, while they were on Mount Sinai (right before God wrote the Ten Commandments).  This message was from Exodus 33 and 34.

 

REFLECT:  As I reflect on all that’s been covered this week, it’s amazing to me that what I wrote and shared with you all, does not sound like it would’ve had anything to do with what we were asked to read.  But, then, is that not the grace and glory of God to take us places we don’t realize we need to go using means that would baffle other people?

 

Let me share about where God led me this week.

 

Every prayer is an act of faith.  If you don’t believe that the entity you are praying to will answer your prayers, would you pray?  I began my period of the last 2 weeks just begging God to reveal Himself to me.  I didn’t know what I needed, but I knew I needed something, and I knew that only God could provide it.  I didn’t know how He would show up (or if, for that matter) but I took a leap of faith based on what I’d read in Scripture.  I figured, “if the Bible is true, He surely has to honor this request.”  But to make doubly sure, I didn’t miss anything He might try to say to me, I made sure that I had as quiet an atmosphere as possible for Him to work in, or speak to me.

 

So, without further ado, here are some of the things God showed me this past week.

 

1. The hardest fought battles bring the sweetest victories.

 

2. I CAN live a victorious life in the midst of horrific circumstances.

 

3. I truly must work out my salvation with fear and trembling.

 

4. I hear best from God when I’m writing (this is a personal revelation, not a global one.) 🙂

 

5. Nothing I put inside my body will fill a deep ache in my soul.

 

6. The strength God gave me is a gift  I CAN use it to overcome.  I WILL use it to overcome.  And I WILL do what He has called me to do.  Regardless of how much it hurts.

 

7.  There is a reason God made me strong.  There is a reason my husband keeps saying I “just keep coming.”  I will never be able to move into God’s perfect will for my life if I am too afraid to deal with my baggage from the past.

 

All this, and it’s just the first week.  I can’t wait to see what the rest of the year reveals.

 

If you worked through the devotional this week, or followed along with the passages I posted and what I was doing, and felt God was speaking to you, and would like to share, I would love to hear from you.

DAY SIX: GOD REVEALS HIMSELF

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The title I used this time is actually the title of today’s devotional as it appears in the book.  Hmm…I wonder…Coincidence?  I think not.

 

READ:  Today’s passage is Exodus 33:21-34:7.  This is the story of God shielding Moses from His Glory while they were on the mountain, and includes Moses cutting the stone tablets upon which the Ten Commandments would be inscribed.

 

What struck me today?  Verses 21-23.  Here are those verses:

 

     God said, “Look, here is a place right beside me.  Put yourself on this rock.  When my Glory

     passes by, I’ll put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with my hand until I’ve passed by. 

     Then I’ll take my hand away and you’ll see my back.  But you won’t see my face.”

 

THINK:  This part of the devotional encourages us to listen for a word or phrase that especially impresses us and let it interact with our thoughts, feelings and desires.  And this is where I find myself parking today.

 

I think about my own situation, what my family is going through, and I have often wondered where God is.  This passage makes me think about it a little differently.  What if God has not abandoned us?  What if His Glory is passing by us and He has hidden us in the cleft of the rock and placed His Hand over the opening so we cannot see what’s going on outside?  Or…what if, He has passed by, but has turned His back so we cannot look full upon His face and I am merely mistaking that for Him turning His back on us?  I realize that last bit might sound a bit like mincing words, but I’m hoping you hear the spirit of the words.

 

PRAY:  “Deeply ponder the quality of God that the word or phrase portrays.  Share with Him what’s striking to you about this aspect of his character.  Explore what makes you desirous of someone with this trait.”

 

Reading this passage, I envision a God who cares so deeply about His people that He desires to shield them from anything that might overpower them.  And the Glory of God would certainly overpower me.  These verses make me want to try to look at my current situation in a different light.  Maybe I can’t see what He’s doing because it is too powerful to fathom.  Maybe He’s shielding me from being able to see or understand because I wouldn’t comprehend anyway.  Maybe I would just get in the way.  But, maybe, and possibly, most likely, He just wants to develop my faith a little more, asking me to trust that while He has me hidden, or while His back is to me, I can believe that what is on the other side of Him is going to be something that is indeed good for me.

 

LIVE:  Here we are asked to envision the ways God is present to us right now, the posture He has and what expression is on His face.  We are also asked to listen to His tone of voice, if He is speaking to us.  And we are challenged to ask Him to enhance, or correct, this picture of Him, through the passages we read and through our experiences.

 

To say that I have been seeing God through the glass darkly (not dimly, but darkly) would be an understatement.  I’ve not been trying to see much of Him at all.  I think that’s what made these last two weeks so powerful.  Not only has He revealed Himself to me, but He has done so in such a way that He has also unveiled much of my own character for me to see myself more clearly, as well.  I’ve discovered that I cannot have an accurate picture of myself without an accurate picture of my sin.  And I cannot have an accurate picture of God without spending time in His Word.  And when I spend time in God’s Word and get a more accurate picture of Him, my sins come into full, crystal-clear resolution, and I am left seeing that the idea that I could make it in this world on my own steam is foolishness.

 

So, for now, I am going to keep plugging away, spending time in the Word by reading this devotional, and sharing it with you, trusting that God will continue to meet me here.  My prayer is that He will continue to crystalize my image of Him so that I can relate to Him from my proper place:  worthy of dying for and unable to make it through this life without His help and provision and protection. 

 

Abba Father,

Thank you for answering my prayer and for meeting me right where I was, and how I was, these past two weeks.  And thank You for revealing Yourself to me.  Please help me not to forget about this time and how sweet it was when I return home, and give me the courage to tell others about it IN PERSON so that they, too, can see that You dearly long to show Yourself to them as well.

 

In Jesus’ Holy Name, I pray, Amen.

 

 

DAY FIVE: ENOUGH IS AS GOOD AS A FEAST

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READ:  In SOLO, today, the message comes from Exodus 16 (verses 9-16).  This is the story of Moses addressing the Israelites complaints about not having any meat in the wilderness.  God told Moses to tell the Israelites:  “I’ve listened to the complaints of the Israelites.  Now tell them: ‘At dusk, you will eat meat and at dawn you’ll eat your fill of bread, and you’ll realize that I am God, your God.'”  That evening the quail flew in and they had meat.  Then, the next morning the manna fell from Heaven but, of course, the Israelites had no idea what it was.  Then, Moses informed them that it was the bread God had given them to eat and that they were gather just enough for each person for the day (except for on the Sabbath).

 

THINK:  This section challenges the reader to reread the passage, stopping to really ponder the emotions the Israelites might have been experiencing at the time:  the neediness of complaining; the excitement of seeing the glory of God visible in the Cloud; the perplexity of seeing this strange bread from Heaven; and the satisfaction of having enough.

 

This part is intriguing.  What does the neediness of complaining look like?  Ha, well…this one I can answer.  It looks like a gaping hole that will never be filled.  But…what it feels like is another story.  I’ve done my fair share of complaining.  Sometimes, I felt mad;  sometimes, lonely.  But every time, I felt doubtful and distrustful.  Every time, I either felt unloved or unlovable.  But, what I never felt, any time I complained, was satisfied or satisfy-able.

 

The THINK passage goes on to encourage the us to contemplate what we would complain to God about right now (and then instructs us to do so).  But then, it asks:  “In what ways, if any, have you been perplexed by God’s response to your complaining?  How might God have truly provided enough but you didn’t recognize it as God’s bread from heaven–exactly what you needed?”

 

Well…isn’t that hitting a bit below the belt?  Over the past 3 years, I’ve had plenty to complain about.  Some of it justified (in my mind) because the situation was unjust.  But, most of what I’ve complained about stemmed from the fact that God did not meet my needs the way I wanted them met.  Sure, God has provided for me.  Sure, I’ve had plenty to be thankful for.  But, why couldn’t it look the way I wanted it too?  It seems that all my years of going to church had served to give me a good dose of “holier than thou” but not so healthy a dose of “true holiness” and even less gratitude.  Naturally, I was thankful when things went my way.  But…why wouldn’t they go my way, when I was being a “good girl”?  After all, that is the way the world is supposed to work.  Right?  Right???

 

It seems I had forgotten the verses in the Bible that declare that, in this world, we will have suffering; and that if they hated/rejected Me (Jesus), they will hate/reject you.  No…I was so busy focusing on the “all things work together for good for those that love the Lord” verses that I had neglected to remember all those pesky verses about suffering.  And, I’m not even going to touch the passage about Jesus praying that “this cup” would pass from Him, nevertheless, Lord, Your Will be done.  Those did not quite fit in with the doctrine I had developed for myself.  As it turned out, I had been most of my reading out of the “Gospel according to Patty.”  And now, my faulty thinking and false doctrine have come crashing down around my ears, and I have been left feeling like, God is surely not enough.  Or, maybe I am just not worth what the Bible says I am.  Either way, the end result has been the same.  COMPLAINING.  And a general state of DISSATISFACTION. 

 

PRAY:  With the above statement in mind, I move on to the PRAY section.  In this passage, we are encouraged to formally complain to God about everything we want to complain about.  (Fantastic, I say.)  But, then, we are encouraged to ask God to show us precisely how He has provided for us, even though we might still wonder?! 

 

Wonder about what?  The passage doesn’t address that, but I have filled in some blanks for myself.  If God is enough?  If He has provided me with enough?  If He actually loves me the way He says He does and will do for me what the Bible says He will do? 

 

If I am honest, I have to admit that God has provided more-than-graciously over the course of our lives.  And over the past 3 years, though it hasn’t looked the way I wanted it to, He has taken ample care of us.  I have nothing to complain about.  But, there’s still that nagging feeling like something might be missing, or like I might do something to make Him finally decide to throw in the towel.  That’s where the “gaping hole that can never be filled” part comes in, and I am forced to deal with it. 

 

If God has proven Himself, over and over and over again, why do I still have doubts?  Why must I still be so much like Eve when that “Unfortunate Incident in the Garden” was so very many years ago? 

 

LIVE:  I will share this passage verbatim.

     “Sit in the quiet and feel God’s “enoughness” in your body.  Where do you feel it?  In arms that are full?  In a quiet mind?  In a stomach that feels full?  In muscles that work well?  If you can really mean it, try delighting in this enoughness.

 

I think that part of my issue with asking for God to reveal Himself to me over these past 3 years has been that it felt so much like asking for yet another sign or wonder.  Somewhere I got it in my head that praying that God would comfort me or show me how he had provided for me was surely a lack of faith.  And after praying for a miracle intervention into our situation and being denied, I was having a hard time asking for anything at all.  The one thing I was not having a hard time doing was complaining.  Much like the Israelites, wandering in the wilderness, grumbling and complaining, I have been wandering through my own wilderness of self-pity and doubt, grumbling and complaining that God had abandoned me. 

 

Desperate, I called out to God to reveal Himself to me.  Not to do a miracle for me.  But just to show me how He had been trying to reveal Himself to me, or take care of me, and how I had missed it.  Then, I waited; sitting in the quiet, I just started listening.  One day, during my devotional, I might read something that touched me.  “Nice,” I would think.  But then, just a few hours later, in class, somebody would say exactly that same thing, or expound on the thought that occurred to me after what I read.  Then, another thought would occur to me, and somebody else would confirm that.  By the end of the day, when I would sit down to type out my reflections for the day, everything that I had read or heard or thought would come spilling out onto the screen.  All the dots would connect and I would be left sitting in my seat, stunned, by what God had done that day.  My situation still hadn’t changed.  But, God had answered my prayers, and that was fine.  That was enough.  And finally, I felt like I was being heard again.  Like  He cared enough to listen and answer my prayers again. 

 

Until my situation does change, my prayer will remain:  “Lord, move,” but so long as He continues to “move me,” I will keep plugging away.  I will continue telling myself the truth about all the ways the Lord has provided for me.  I will keep reminding myself that whether or not I feel like I am “enough” (good enough, pretty enough, lovely enough) has nothing to do with the fact that my God is enough and that He will do what He says He will do, and that it will, eventually, work out for my good.  And I will keep reminding myself that “Enough truly is as good as a feast.”

 

 

Day Four – Learning to Pay Attention

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READ:  Today’s passage in the SOLO Devotional is Exodus 3:1-6.  This is the story about Moses and the burning bush.

 

THINK:  This particular section focuses in on Moses’ encounter with the burning bush and asks if you have ever experienced a unique encounter with the living God and what it was like.  Then it adds:  “God is holy.  What difference does that make in your life?”

 

PRAY:  “Ask God to reveal himself to you in a fresh way, a way that he has never revealed himself before.”

 

LIVE:  “Find a quiet place and spend a few moments in utter silence, paying attention to those aspects of your life that you often neglect:  people, situations, quiet moments, creation, and so on.  As you do this, look for God waiting there to interact with you.

 

For the most part, the last 3 days, I have shared what I’ve gotten out the passage immediately, letting that lead to the next part, trusting that God will take me where He needs me to go.  Truth be told, I arrived in Lynchburg on Sunday, July 6th, for classes that began on the 7th.  I will be leaving on the 19th.  I decided that I would leave the television off, when I wasn’t in class, and work on whatever God brought to mind.  Initially, I figured that I would just work on getting back into the habit of having a daily quiet time or devotional.  But, I didn’t know where to start.  Then, sitting in my Basic Counseling Skills class, last week, God opened up some pretty deep emotional wounds that I hadn’t really ever dealt with, so I started working on those.  That’s what precipitated me buying this book and why I’ve decided to start making this my daily blog post.

 

As I read the passage from today and was pondering what each section said, I couldn’t think of where I wanted to start, and I didn’t really want to just sit down and type out the book word-for-word.  But as I started typing, I realized that God had been showing all day, and for the past several, what He wanted me to share today.  And it really does have to do with paying attention.

 

My family has been going through some pretty heavy stuff over the past 3 years and mostly I have been left feeling like God just dropped my heart and broke it.  The last thing I have wanted to do, most of the time, is get with Him and discuss this.  If you’ve ever been burnt in a relationship, you know the meaning of the saying:  “Once bitten, twice shy.”  The only problem is:  I consider myself to be a Christian.  How can I have that kind of attitude about, or toward, a God that I had always believed had my best interest at heart and that everything He did was supposed to be for my good.  To say I was conflicted would be an understatement.  Nevertheless, I came to Lynchburg with one prayer:

 

“God, I am going to dedicate my free time to you.  Please show up.  I’ve been floundering and I am tired of feeling hopeless and helpless and of feeling like it is pointless to talk to you about it because I was talking before and you let this happen.  So, I don’t know what You’re going to have to do and I don’t care, but please, let me see You.”

 

I have sat in a lot of silence since the 6th of July and have been ministered to in ways that I haven’t in a long time.  As I mentioned earlier, the class I had last week opened up some wounds that I didn’t know were still festering.  It also shed some light on some things that I had needed to work on that I had been choosing not to deal with.  But, He did so in such a way that I have been able to see my own brokenness.

 

Things have been brought into the light that had been buried.  Rotten things that needed to be excised from my life, but that I had gotten so used to that they had just become a part of who I was.  One day, one of my instructors said something that I thought was strange at first:  Your clients need their pain.  They need their hurt.  You cannot just waltz into their lives and demand they give it up or tell them they are wrong for holding onto it until you know where it comes from and what it does for them.  When he said it, it sounded like one of the most dysfunctional things I had ever heard.  I couldn’t believe it was coming out of a counselor’s mouth.  But then, I started looking at my own life and my own baggage and seeing how I had my own issues I had been clinging to, that I had allowed to define me, or dictate my own actions.  And when I started exposing those to the light and trying to get rid of them, it almost felt like a piece of my soul was being yanked out of me.  And I found myself clamoring desperately to hang on to them with one hand while I was trying to push them away with the other.  How could I possibly want to hold on to something that was causing so much pain or keeping me from having the relationship with God that He wants me to have?  Why would I allow something so vile to have such control over my life when I know that God commands that we have no other gods before Him?

 

I will not share with you just what it is God has revealed that I have been neglecting in my own life.  But I will tell you that what God has revealed to me over the course of my time here in Lynchburg is just how serious He is that nothing have power over us besides Him.  He has shown me the lengths to which He will go to bring to the light those areas of my life that need to be exposed.  And He has shown that, though it will hurt, He is not doing it to hurt me, but to restore me.

 

So, if Satan came to steal, kill, and destroy but God came that we might have life and that more abundantly, then why I am I fighting so hard to hold onto something that is choking the life out of me?  And why am I not turning to The Way, The Truth, and The Life for my deliverance from those things?

 

Bringing it back to Paying Attention.  We were encouraged to look for God waiting to interact with us.  To pay attention to where He might have been trying to get our attention but we were too busy or too loud to hear it or notice.  Let me just comment on how effective the silence I have imposed upon myself has been.  I have been very actively NOT DEALING WITH God for almost a year.  I have been staying up too late, until I’m just exhausted, using my Netflix account and OnDemand for all they are worth, driving myself to distraction, just so I didn’t have to sit in the silence and hear anything from God.  As a friend of mine put it once, God was there and He knew it and I wasn’t going to run away, but I wasn’t going to talk to Him and I certainly wasn’t going to be obedient.  I was going to actively rebel and make Him watch, but I would be back.

 

Please, don’t judge.  Save whatever harsh commentary may be rattling around inside your head.  I’m just sharing the words from someone I know who was expressing how she felt during a particularly rough time she had and how she dealt with it.  They just happened to resonate with me when she related her story.  I merely added them to say that I was actively avoiding putting myself in a position where I might hear something else disappointing from God.  I didn’t want to hear that I might be screwing up again.  I didn’t want to hear that I wasn’t going to get my way again.  I didn’t want to hear that He still wanted me right where He had me.  Those things I was capable of figuring out on my own since my situation wasn’t changing.  So…I just didn’t go to Him.

 

And, as a counseling student I can tell you, most people’s greatest motivator is: AVOIDANCE OF PAIN.  I’ve been having a lot of avoidance issues this past year.  But, I was finally tired of feeling that way, and it’s hard for me to justify running away from a problem for too long, because I know that I can’t run forever and the problem with be with me the whole time.  So…I decided to start paying attention.  It was time.  And I am convinced that everyone that God has put in my path since I’ve been here at Liberty had been a divine appointment designed to show me that He was listening when I asked Him to reveal Himself to me.  But, if I hadn’t come here expecting to see God, and if I hadn’t been paying attention, I’d have missed it completely!

Day Three: What Satan Intended for Evil

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READ:  Today’s passage took me to Genesis 50:15-21.  For expanded reading, the suggested texts are Genesis 37, 42, 45, 50.  This is the story of Joseph.  You know, the one with the coat of many colors.  The one who was a little haughty when he would tell his brothers his dreams.  The one whom his brothers knew was most loved because he was the first born of Jacob’s love with Rachel, whom he served 14 years to gain after being denied by Laban, who pulled a bait-and-switch on Jacob at the altar on what should have been the best night of Jacob’s and Rachel’s lives.  Yeah…that Joseph.

 

Well, his brothers got mad and conspired to get rid of him.  They couldn’t kill him outright and live with looking at their father, so they threw him down into a pit, sold him to some passersby on their way to Egypt.  Then, they killed an animal and smeared the blood on his precious coat, which they had stripped from him.  They went home and told Jacob that Joseph had been attacked and killed in the wilderness.

 

Fast forward several years, Joseph is serving in the house of the Potiphar.  The guy’s wife lusts after Joseph and propositions him.  Joseph, having Potiphar’s utmost respect and high position in the household, runs from her presence, naked, because Potiphar’s wife grabs after him, ripping his tunic from his body.  Then, she says that he had his way with her and that is the end of Joseph’s stay in Potiphar’s house.  He is told, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.  Proceed directly to jail.”  (They surely had a version of Monopoly in Egypt.  Right?)

 

So, even though he had been sold into slavery, he managed to work his way out.  And, now, he’s sitting in jail.  By rights, Potiphar should’ve (or could’ve) had him killed.  (I believe he knew there was something fishy in the state of Denmark.  Wait!  That’s Hamlet.  Sorry!)  But, he spared Joseph and just threw him into prison.

 

So…there he sat.  I know if I were Joseph, I would be wondering, as I sat in jail, what in the world happened.  God, you gave me all these dreams when I was growing up.  I thought I knew what they meant and where my life was going to go as a result.  But…here I sit.  In jail.  God, what in the world!!!!

 

Funny, isn’t it, how God’s plan for our lives never looks the way think it ought to.  But, Joseph’s current circumstances (sitting in jail) did not negate the truth of God’s plan for his life.  Joseph just didn’t realize it.  I also suspect that, maybe, Joseph needed to be humbled.  Somewhat.  So that nobody BUT GOD could get the glory for what had happened in his life.  And let’s face it!  I’m pretty sure that if God had let Joseph’s life go the way Joseph thought it might, Joseph – most likely – would’ve taken the credit for it.  Granted, Scripture doesn’t say that, outright.  But, he was pretty full of himself in his younger days.  And his way was paved pretty smoothly until he was sold into slavery.  Then, afterwards, HE worked his way up into Potiphar’s house.  I imagine he had started to feel like he was bouncing back after than hand that had been dealt him.  I know I would’ve.  I would’ve felt like this was some sort of vindication, even if it didn’t look like I wanted it to.  But, notice, Joseph hadn’t been face-to-face with the people who had “caused” his life to go so sideways.  There were still some forgiveness issues that would need to be worked through before God’s work would actually be complete.

 

THINK:  This part of today’s reading challenges us to listen specifically for the word or phrase that touches our heart.  Throughout the last three years, I have been holding tightly to Genesis 50:19:  “…you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now–life for many people.” 

 

PRAY:  Here, we are challenged to think about forgiveness – what it’s like to be the forgiver and to be the forgiven.  We are asked how this expression of love is meaningful to us.  We are also called to listen for what God is inviting us to do or become this week.  “Perhaps his invitation will have to do with a new perspective on who you are in his eyes, or maybe you sense an action he is calling you to take.”

 

This part speaks to me today in that, I have no question that, had I not been knocked down a peg or two – had “my plans” not been made to go awry or take this unsuspected detour – I would’ve been living my life saying what I’ve been saying since I left my home for Navy boot camp.  I left my house believing that my life would be the way I wanted it to be because of the choices I made.  For the most part, I like to think I made fairly responsible choices.  And, I was choosing to be happy.  I had orchestrated my life in such a way that everything made sense, and basically turned out the way I wanted it to, especially when I was obedient to what God was asking me. 

 

Then April 2011 happened.  We here T-boned by an accusation so heinous that I couldn’t believe God had been caught off guard.  (Yeah, I said it.  And, yes, I know the absurdity of that statement.  It doesn’t change the fact that I felt that way.) 

 

Then, March 2013 happened.  The results of the accusation were that God allowed my husband to go to jail. 

 

“UM…EXCUSE ME!  Don’t you know that when I do what I’m told, and I make my requests known believing you will grant them, you are supposed to respond by giving me the desires of my heart??  And, by the way, we had plans!  And what about our kids?  And…and…and……….

 

Now, here I sit, reading the story of Joseph.  Thinking, “Man, that boy was arrogant!  I’m not even his brother and I wanna throw him in a pit, just to shut him up!” 

 

Man….it’s a good thing I’m not like Joseph.  I never walked around talking about how perfect my life was and how it was turning out just like I had planned.  Why wouldn’t God bless me?  Look at how good I am. 

 

I don’t know if you could detect the sarcasm there.  If not, trust me, it’s dripping with it.  While I was not walking around actually saying those things, I was living them.  And God looks at a man’s heart!  So…He knew!  He knew what I was saying even when there were no words coming out of my mouth.  And He also knew that what those words scream is:  I WILL BE MY OWN GOD! 

 

I don’t think that this little side trip has derailed God’s plan for our lives.  I also don’t think that I have to abandon all my deepest dreams and desires because He has allowed this to happen in our lives.  What I do believe, FINALLY, is that the only way God was ever going to get the glory for the things in my life He has done, or permitted, is if I got knocked down off the pedestal I had built for myself so that He could take His Rightful Place in the life of one who calls herself a child of God.

 

LIVE:  “Take time to meditate on the following quite from the Book of Common Prayer (1979), and let it become your own:  ‘Let not the needy, O Lord, be forgotten; nor the hope of the poor be taken away.'”

 

As I come closer to the end of my education as a counselor, that prayer resonates with me.  That is precisely what I hope to do as a counselor:  to not forget the needy and to help restore hope to the poor.  The only way that I can do that effectively, though, is by directing them to the Comforter.  The Healer.  To the only one who can actually transform a life.  And I cannot do it if I think that I can be the God of my own life.  That attitude will spill over into my counseling sessions and I will sound “holier than thou” and, thus, I will fail in our Number One law:  First, do no harm.”  Harm is all I will be doing!  Then, I will be like Paul, not doing the things that I want, but unable to stop doing what I do not want to do.

 

As I head out to class today, I challenge you to look at those areas of your life where you feel like God has let your life go sideways.  Then, TRUST HIM!  But then, ask Him to show you if there might be an area in your life where He has been trying desperately to get your attention, but you have been ignoring Him, or missing His point.  Then, pray for the courage to face it, HEAD ON, FACE TURNED UP TO HIM.  Then, deal with it.