THE PASSAGE:  2 Samuel 24:13-17, 25 (EXPANDED PASSAGE:  2 SAMUEL 24)

(13) Gad came to deliver the message:  “Do you want three years of famine in the land, or three months of running from your enemies while they chase you down, or three days of an epidemic on the country?  Think it over and make up your mind.  What shall I tell the one who sent me?”

(14) David told Gad, “They’re all terrible!  But I’d rather be punished by God, whose mercy is great, than fall into human hands.”

(15-16) So God let loose an epidemic from morning until suppertime.  From Dan to Beersheba seventy thousand people died.  But when the angel reached out over Jerusalem to destroy it, God felt the pain of the terror and told the angel who was spreading death among the people, “Enough’s enough!  Pull back!”

          The angel of God had just reached the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite.  Davie looked up and saw the angel hovering between earth and sky, sword drawn and about to strike Jerusalem.  David and the elders bowed in prayer and covered themselves with rough burlap.

(17) When David saw the angel about to destroy the people, he prayed, “Please!  I’m the one who sinned; I, the shepherd, did the wrong.  But these sheep, what did they do wrong?  Punish me and my family, not them.”…

(25) He built an altar to God there and sacrificed burnt offerings and peace offerings.  God was moved by the prayers and that was the end of the disaster

READ:  Skim the expanded passage.  Now read the excerpt three times carefully.

THINK/PRAY:  Set the text aside and imaginatively replay the story, inserting yourself as a character in it.  Perhaps you will be one of David’s elders, or David himself.

          What do you think and feel as you hear God’s words of discipline?  What do you experience as you walk through this tension-filled and tragic day?  What do you see?  Hear?  Smell?  What questions do you have for God?  Are you angry?  Afraid?  Talk to him.

          As the end of the day approaches and you see God’s interaction with the angel, what is that like for you?  When God’s heart is changed by David’s prayers, what thoughts and feelings bubble up in you?  Express them to God.

LIVE:  C. S. Lewis wrote, “[Each sinful act leaves a mark] on that tiny central self which no one sees in this life but which each of us will have to endure–or enjoy–for ever.  One man may be so placed that his anger sheds the blood of thousands, and another so placed that, however angry he gets, he will only be laughed at.  But the little mark on the soul may be much the same in both.”  Are there any “little marks” on your soul that you haven’t talked about with God?  Explore recent experiences, reactions, thoughts, and feelings you’ve had.  What do they tell you about what’s inside your heart?  Talk to God about this, and make note of any action that you feel he is leading you to.

So…I don’t really want to do the activity suggested by this week’s reading.  Furthermore, even if I did do the activity (or rather, when I do the activity), I don’t know that it’s necessary I share with you what my “little marks” are for you to benefit from this blog.  Call it an effort to practice discretion in whether or not to participate in full disclosure or fear, but I’m not going to share all my little marks (though, admittedly, I’ve shared quite a few already).   But, I will share what has struck me about this passage.

God felt their pain.  God felt their pain, and David’s prayer for deliverance or mercy was enough for God to stay His hand (or the angel’s hand).  I don’t mind saying that hearing that David’s prayers for mercy being answered while mine weren’t would’ve been grounds for me to throw a fit this time a year ago.  If God really felt our pain, why didn’t he deliver us from our circumstances?  That would’ve been my prayer a year ago.  Honestly, that probably would’ve been my prayer as recently as 6 months ago, too.  Because, you see, when I feel pain, my first reaction is to recoil.  When I see others feeling pain, I want to rush in and alleviate it, if I can.  I realize that this is not always a smart move.  Sometimes people need to live in their pain because they need to know what the consequences are.  Sometimes people don’t have a choice but to live in their pain because God refuses to move them until His purposes have been fulfilled. 

But there’s one thing I’ve come to believe about suffering.  It doesn’t matter the cause of the suffering.  It doesn’t matter the delivery method of said suffering.  Anybody who is suffering – everybody who is suffering – has to deal with God over that suffering.  Some press in and draw closer to Him.  Some jerk their hand out of his and try to take back control of their lives.  Others turn their backs on Him.  Regardless, we all have to decide where we go from here (wherever our “here” is when the suffering starts). 

Maybe you are like me and wondering where God was when you were crying out for your deliverance from the injustice in the world.  Maybe you just wanted to catch a break just this once because all your life you’ve felt like you’ve always gotten the short end of the stick.  Maybe you are just tired of the “bad guys” always winning while the “good guys” always seem to come in second.  I don’t know where you are in life right now, but I bet there’s a good chance that you’ve wondered how God let it get where it is.  And if your life is just fine right now, I bet you can remember a time when you felt that way.  But…if you’ve neither been in either position, let me tell you – it’s coming.  The question is:  what are you going to do with your suffering?  Are you going to let it make you bitter and dried up on the inside?  Or…are you going to let it do its transformative work, making you look more and more like Christ as time goes by?  Will you throw in the towel?  Or will you get up, dust yourself off, pick your gloves back up, and fight for another day?

My prayer is that you will fight.  His mercies really are new every morning.  And you only need strength for the day you are on.  You can hold on to yesterday’s victories and you can’t borrow from tomorrow.  You have to do the best you can with the measure of grace you’ve been given today. 

Dear Heavenly Father, if there is anyone out there right now thinking about quitting in whatever form that may look like for them (suicide, divorce, back-sliding), I pray that you would send someone their way to encourage them to hold on just a little while longer.  I pray that you would intervene supernaturally in such a way that they have no doubt that you have visited them tonight and they would be strengthened and comforted by the thought that “this too shall pass.”  Show them that you do feel their pain, that you are intimately touched when they are suffering.  Show them that this was never your plan for your Creation, that you long to be in communion and relationship with us, and show them that you have made a way for them to come back into the fold.  I pray for anyone who is reading this who may be hurting and needs comforting.  You alone, O Lord, are the Great Comforter.  To who else can we turn when things have gone wrong.  You are the creator of the universe.  You knew us before we were formed in our mothers’ wombs and you know every single hair on our heads.  You alone know exactly what it is we need when we are hurting.  Meet the needs of those who may be hurting tonight, Dear Lord, as only you can. 

I pray all these things in Your Son’s Precious and Holy Name, the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

READ: 2 Samuel 19:1-8  Read the passage aloud slowly.  Absalom had rebelled against his father, David, and took over Israel.  As David mourns Absalom, the people who defended him and brought him back with honor are listening.

          (1-4) Joab was told that David was weeping and lamenting over Absalom.  The day’s victory turned into a day of mourning as word passed through the army, “David is grieving over his son.”  The army straggled back to the city that day demoralized, dragging their tails.  And the king held his face in his hands and lamented loudly,

          O my son Absalom,

          Absalom my dear, dear son!

          (5-7) But in private Joab rebuked the king: ” Now you’ve done it–knocked the wind out of your loyal servants who have just saved your life, to say nothing of the lives of your sons and daughters, wives and concubines.  What is this–loving those who hate you and hating those who love you?  Your actions give a clear message:  officers and soldiers mean nothing to you.  You know that if Absalom were alive right now, we’d all be dead – would that make you happy?  Get hold of yourself; get out there and put some heart into your servants!  I swear to God that if you don’t go to the  they’ll desert; not a soldier will be left here by nightfall.  And that will be the worst thing that has happened yet.”

           (8) So the king came out and took his place at the city gate.  Soon everyone knew: “Oh, look!  The king has come out to receive us.”  And his whole army came and presented itself to the king.  But the Israelites had fled the field of battle and gone home.

THINK:  Read the passage aloud slowly again.  David did what we often do.  He lived in regret.  He wanted what he used to have and what he couldn’t now have.  As a result, he undervalued and discouraged the people who had stood by him and helped him.

1. Who do you identify with more: David or the army?
2. Consider their feelings: David living in regret; the army feeling ignored and discarded.
3. Consider their next steps: David turning his heart to the people around him who loved him; the army speaking up and stating their needs to a hurting person.

If I am to be honest, I’ve spent a lot of time this past year-and-a-half moping and whining about what I don’t have.  I’ve tried not to send the message that I thought I was the only person going through this.  I know that I am not.  But I am not sure if I have done a good job of making sure the people who love me know that I know what this has cost them.  I would say it.  But then, I would continue with my complaining and my pity party.  People have been kind.  Most people close to me cannot imagine what it would be like to be in my shoes.  And, to be fair, most of them are going through things I do not want to experience either.  But, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because I am in a somewhat “needy” position, I do not have resources to meet the needs of others.  Or, even easier than that, to fall into the trap the Enemy would set that would say that because I am in a needy position, I have the right to wallow in my pity.  Or, to check out of life because I didn’t get my way.  To pack up my toys and go home until God lets me have my way. 

HOW RIDICULOUS!

PRAY:  Pray for yourself and others, especially that they’ll see and implement any possible next steps (for example, moving out of regret and valuing the people in front of them, or speaking up to someone who is devaluing others).

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to remember that, every day, we need you.  You are Sovereign and nothing can thwart Your Will being done in the lives of those who are called by You for Your Purposes.  When times get hard, and they most certainly will, help us to rest in the knowledge that all things do work together for the good of those who love You.  And help us to be patient and steadfast when what is good for us is not comfortable or when it is downright painful.  Show us those people standing with us whom we may have overlooked or slighted by our complaining and whining, and show us ways that we can be a blessing to those who have blessed us in our hard times.  Show us the reserves we have stored up, out of which we can bless others.  Help us not to be stingy with our gifts (spiritual, physical, emotional, or financial); trusting that you will take care of those who you have called to be generous.  And, help us to be good stewards of those gifts: not throwing them around aimlessly, but using them the way you would have us to use them, to bless others and to glorify your name. 

In Your Son’s Precious and Holy Name, the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

LIVE:  Let your mind rest in glad appreciation for those who stand by you.  Ask God for opportunities to bless them.  Then in the dailiness of life, look for those opportunities.

READ:  2 Samuel 15:3-6  (Read this five times.)

Then Absalom would say, “Look, you’ve got a strong case; but the king isn’t going to listen to you.”  Then he’d say, “Why doesn’t someone make me a judge for this country?  Anybody with a case could bring it to me and I’d settle things fair and square.”  Whenever someone would treat him with special honor, he’d shrug it off and treat him like an equal, making him feel important.  Absalom did this to everyone who came to do business with the king and stole the hearts of everyone in Israel

THINK:  “There are point in our lives (more often than we would like to admit) when we are attempt consciously or subconsciously to promote ourselves in unhealthy and selfish ways.  We puff ourselves up, brag about our accomplishments, and embellish the truth.”

          “Absalom, the son of King David, promotes himself for selfish gain in front of those who came to the city gate.  The text says he “stole the hearts of everyone in Israel.”

          “When are you most tempted to steal the hearts of everyone in_______________?  Think about your most recent Absalom moment.  Consider the roots of your temptation and how you might avoid it in the future.”

I have to admit that there have been plenty of times when I have wanted to steal people’s hearts by coming off as pleasing or by showing off my work.  In fact, I used to get my husband’s hand and lead him through the house when he came from work just to show him what all I had done for the day so that he could tell me “Good Job.”  I justified it by telling myself that if I didn’t do that, he probably wouldn’t notice.  Now…just so you know, I’m not that far off.  However, I heard a sermon several years ago that left me feeling rather convicted of those activities.  This sermon included the scripture that says that we are supposed to do everything as unto the Lord, and that we should be storing up treasures for ourselves in Heaven AND that it is better for God to promote us than it is for us to try to promote ourselves because Our Father who sees those things done in secret will reward us.

That being said, more often than not, I am guilty of fishing for compliments.  I have a tendency to downplay what I’ve done anyway, but when someone turns around and counters that with a compliment on how well I’ve done, it can feed the ego.  There have been times, I won’t lie, when I have thrown out those statements as bait, just hoping someone would bite and I’d get my compliment “fix”.  However, there have been plenty of times when I’ve thrown out that bait and never gotten a bite.  It’s a bad habit that I still struggle with occasionally, but I am getting used to letting God honor me for being obedient to him rather than stealing His chance to do so by seeking out my own form of praise.

PRAY:  “Spend time inviting God to remind you that he loves you just the way you are, that you cannot earn his approval.  Welcome God to show you your true identity as his child, an identity that is defined not by what you do, but by who you are and to whom you belong.”

Dear Heavenly Father, I know you do not make mistakes.  Therefore, there is not a single person on Earth who is not exactly how you intended them to be.  Therefore, we all have been designed to fulfill a unique person.  Lord, please help me and each person reading this to remember that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that you knew us before you knitted us together in our mothers’ wombs, and to behave in a manner worthy of our divine calling, rather than sitting around complaining that we are not like “so-n-so.”  You love us, and want each of us to know that and to experience the truth of that love deep down in our hearts and spirits.  Help us to know what that looks like and to trust it, walking in it daily, without fear of rejection.

LIVE:  “Ask a good friend to gently keep you accountable when you begin to promote yourself in front of others.  Be ready to accept your friend’s input.”

Well…what a week this has been.

It’s back to school time for me.  My first of 3 fall classes began on Monday:  Psychopathology and Counseling.  As one of my required textbooks, I had to obtain the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Fifth Edition).  The book is about 2 inches thick and has just about every common diagnosis a counselor or mental health worker could come across.  It’s pretty interesting, but I have to be careful that I don’t read it looking for all the ways my family members and I match up with the descriptions I come across.  This could be hazardous to my relationships.  But even that thought makes me aware just how easy it could be, potentially, to use a book like this and begin to see people as a diagnosis rather than as a hurting person.  I hope this is not a trap I am going to have to worry about falling into, but I will certainly pray against it because there is one thing that my counseling education has always stressed:  beware of thinking you cannot or will not fall into a certain trap because that thing is not your issue.  That will be the very place where you have left yourself unprotected, and you will eventually fall.

A recurring theme for me seems to be discipline.  With the beginning of class, comes the need to be more disciplined about getting my school work done, and about watching how many activities I allow to fill my days.  Not only do those activities affect my school work; they affect my son’s homework schedule as well.  The bad part about homeschooling can often be that, without setting solid priorities and sticking to them, it is far too easy to just go about life (just like in the summer) and put school on hold until tomorrow.  But, as we all know, tomorrow never comes.  For me, having a deadline of Sunday at 11:59 pm is fantastic because I always make that deadline.  However, I find that there are times when I have spent too much time out having fun and have to do homework on Sundays.  Just like this week.  This is going to have to change. 

I have been up entirely too late too many nights in a row since returning from Liberty University.  I am going to have to return in about 6 weeks.  I need to go back to the schedule I had before I went to my first intensives; otherwise, I’m not going to be ready to get up and get my day started at 8 a.m.  Another bad thing about staying up too late?  I don’t actually make up for the sleep I lost.  It doesn’t seem to matter if I go to bed at 10 pm or 2 am.  I am going to be up no later than 7:30 most days.  I do infinitely better on more sleep than less.  I know this…and yet, I’ve still been staying up too late.  This is going to have to stop.

Finally, the kids and I have not made it to the beach this summer.  We live 2 hours away from the Atlantic, or 40 minutes away from the Chesapeake Bay.  Sand, sun, and salt water are beckoning to me.  I am going to have to listen.  For me, there are not many  things more relaxing than the sound of crashing waves.  And sitting there watching my kids build sand castles, or dig in the sand to watch their holes fill up with water.  Or watching my daughter, the artist, carve animals out of the sand.  Those are just the best. 

So…Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to be diligent and disciplined this coming week, both for myself and my health, but also as an example to my children, for it is only by taking care of myself that I am at my best to take care of my children and to do the work you have called me to do.  In Your Son’s Name I Pray, Amen.

Well…what a week this has been.

It’s back to school time for me.  My first of 3 fall classes began on Monday:  Psychopathology and Counseling.  As one of my required textbooks, I had to obtain the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Fifth Edition).  The book is about 2 inches thick and has just about every common diagnosis a counselor or mental health worker could come across.  It’s pretty interesting, but I have to be careful that I don’t read it looking for all the ways my family members and I match up with the descriptions I come across.  This could be hazardous to my relationships.  But even that thought makes me aware just how easy it could be, potentially, to use a book like this and begin to see people as a diagnosis rather than as a hurting person.  I hope this is not a trap I am going to have to worry about falling into, but I will certainly pray against it because there is one thing that my counseling education has always stressed:  beware of thinking you cannot or will not fall into a certain trap because that thing is not your issue.  That will be the very place where you have left yourself unprotected, and you will eventually fall.

A recurring theme for me seems to be discipline.  With the beginning of class, comes the need to be more disciplined about getting my school work done, and about watching how many activities I allow to fill my days.  Not only do those activities affect my school work; they affect my son’s homework schedule as well.  The bad part about homeschooling can often be that, without setting solid priorities and sticking to them, it is far too easy to just go about life (just like in the summer) and put school on hold until tomorrow.  But, as we all know, tomorrow never comes.  For me, having a deadline of Sunday at 11:59 pm is fantastic because I always make that deadline.  However, I find that there are times when I have spent too much time out having fun and have to do homework on Sundays.  Just like this week.  This is going to have to change. 

I have been up entirely too late too many nights in a row since returning from Liberty University.  I am going to have to return in about 6 weeks.  I need to go back to the schedule I had before I went to my first intensives; otherwise, I’m not going to be ready to get up and get my day started at 8 a.m.  Another bad thing about staying up too late?  I don’t actually make up for the sleep I lost.  It doesn’t seem to matter if I go to bed at 10 pm or 2 am.  I am going to be up no later than 7:30 most days.  I do infinitely better on more sleep than less.  I know this…and yet, I’ve still been staying up too late.  This is going to have to stop.

Finally, the kids and I have not made it to the beach this summer.  We live 2 hours away from the Atlantic, or 40 minutes away from the Chesapeake Bay.  Sand, sun, and salt water are beckoning to me.  I am going to have to listen.  For me, there are not many  things more relaxing than the sound of crashing waves.  And sitting there watching my kids build sand castles, or dig in the sand to watch their holes fill up with water.  Or watching my daughter, the artist, carve animals out of the sand.  Those are just the best. 

So…Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to be diligent and disciplined this coming week, both for myself and my health, but also as an example to my children, for it is only by taking care of myself that I am at my best to take care of my children and to do the work you have called me to do.  In Your Son’s Name I Pray, Amen.

READ:  1 Samuel 26:7-11

(7) So David and Abishai entered the encampment by night, and there he was–Saul, stretched out asleep at the center of the camp, his speak stuck in the ground hear his head, with Abner and the troops sound asleep on all sides.

(8) Abishai said, “This is the moment!  God has put your enemy in your grasp.  Let me nail him to the ground with his spear.  One hit will do it, believe me; I won’t need a second!”

(9) But David said to Abishai, “Don’t you dare hurt him!  Who could lay a hand on God’s anointed and even think of getting away with it?”

(10-11) He went on, “As God lives, either God will strike him, or his time will come and he’ll die in bed, or he’ll fall in battle, but God forbid that I should lay a finger on God’s anointed.  Now, grab the spear at his head and the water jug and let’s get out of here.”

THINK:  Earlier in 1 Samuel, God anointed David to be the future king of Israel, even though Saul was still on the throne.  This man, overcome with cruelty, jealousy, evil, and insecurity, then repeatedly attempted to take David’s life.  For many years, David hid from Saul’s army.

          One night, David and Abishai sneak into Saul’s camp, and there Abishai notices the perfect opportunity to kill Saul.  But David refuses.  David is so certain of God’s sovereignty that he refuses to kill Saul.

          We all have enemies, big or small, and desire for them to come to ruin.  Yet ponder the interchange between Saul and David in verses 21-24.

PRAY:  Think of the people you consider your enemies.  Pray for them and ask God to help you honor them, even though doing so may seem impossible.

LIVE:  Seek out intentional opportunities to honor those who dishonor you and to value the lives of those who do not value you.

At this time in my life, I believe I am fortunate to be able to say that there is nobody that I hate.  I have had a hard time dealing with people who have made false accusations against us.  I have had a hard time dealing with the people who did not really defend my husband.  But, I cannot say that I hate them.  I do not wish ill upon them.  I do not hope that Jesus comes back before any of them should become saved (if they aren’t already).  I do not even really wish for a retrial.  For as much as I want vindication, I do not really want it as someone else’s expense, even though they didn’t mind getting their false vindication at our expense.   But…that has not always been the case in my life.  There have been plenty of times when I have wanted the person who hurt me to pay for what they did to me.  But all that ever did for me was keep me in bondage to the person who hurt me and to the event that happened.  What it did was kept me from living a life of freedom that God calls His children to live. 

I wish I could say that everyone I knew was sitting in this same boat with me and that there weren’t people in my life who felt the same way I do, but that would be foolish.  There are plenty of people who would take up our cause for us, and seek out the people responsible for our current situation.  I know because they’ve told us that they are merely waiting for the word “GO.”  That word, I assure them all, will not come from us.  No good purpose is going to be served by our seeking revenge.  Vengeance belongs to the Lord.  So, regardless of how badly I’ve been hurt, I have to believe that God knows what He’s doing better than me, and that He has an ultimate plan for this thing in our lives.  This plan, I am convinced, is one that will, if at all possible, end up with all possible parties being reconciled back to Himself.  Sometimes that means He has to bend us.  Sometimes that means He has to break us.  Sometimes he just breaks off a shard and glues it back into place.  Sometimes, He throws down the whole jar and so that He can be the one to put all the pieces back together.  BUT, He always puts everything back together and, when He’s done, the piece is stronger than it was before.  And I know that, if I try to handle things, this will not be the base. 

I don’t always understand.  In fact, I think I don’t even understand 1/4 of the time.  But, the longer I walk this path, the more I realize that I don’t have to understand it.  I don’t have to explain it.  I just have to walk it.  And keep walking.  And keep walking, until He takes me home.

READ:  1 Samuel 17:31-40

(31) The thing David was saying were picked up and reported to Saul.  Saul sent for him.

(32) “Master,” said David, “don’t give up hope.  I’m ready to go and fight this Philistine.”

(33) Saul answered David, “You can’t go and fight this Philistine.  You’re too young and inexperienced–and he’s been at this fighting business since before you were born.”

(34-37) David said, “I’ve been a shepherd, tending sheep for my father.  Whenever a lion or bear came and took a lamb from the flock, I’d go after it, knock it down, and rescue the lamb.  If it turned on me, I’d grab it by the throat, wring its neck, and kill it.  Lion or bear, it made no difference–I killed it.  And I’ll do the same to this Philistine pig who is taunting the troops of God-Alive.  God, who delivered me from the teeth of the lion and the claws of the bear, will deliver me from this Philistine.

          Saul said, “Go.  And God help you!”

(38-39) Then Saul outfitted David as a soldier in armor.  He put his bronze helmet on his head and belted his sword on him over the armor.  David tried to walk but he could hardly budge.

          David told Saul, “I can’t even move with all this stuff on me.  I’m not used to this.”  And he took it all off.

(40) Then David took his shepherd’s staff, selected five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in the pocket of his shepherd’s pack, and with his sling in his hand approached Goliath.

THINK:  What one particular event, character, or feature of the story stands out to you?  Take time to concentrate on that.  Are you drawn to David’s courage?  Are you repulsed by Saul’s disbelieving “God help you”?  Maybe you’re surprised when David rejects Saul’s armor.  Consider what your own reaction would be, and then consider how the characters in the story reacted.  As you meditate, allow God to show you more about yourself, him, and the way life is.

Of course, David’s courage intrigues me.  But to be honest, what stands out to me in this passage is what he tells Saul.  “I’ve been a shepherd, tending sheep for my father. Whenever a lion or bear came and took a lamb from the flock, I’d go after it, knock it down, and rescue the lamb.  If it turned on me, I’d grab it by the throat, wring its neck, and kill it.”  Not many weeks ago, our newest Pastor – Mr. Ryan Cox – gave a sermon on James and referenced the part of David’s life he spent as a shepherd.  He was “just” a shepherd.  So unimportant in the ways of the world that when Samuel went looking for a man to replace Saul – who had fallen out of favor with God – David’s father, Jesse, didn’t even bother to call him from the field.  He was the youngest of 8 and only tended sheep.  But, from this passage, we can tell that “only tending sheep” had served him pretty well. 

Many times, I overlook what I’ve been through, thinking that it’s “just” me.  If I can do it, then anybody can; so, what’s the big deal.  But, I’m coming to realize that the things I’ve gone through have prepared me for my life so far, and they will continue to do so for the rest of my life, if I learn the lessons available at each stage. 

I’ve always been surprised that David rejected Saul’s armor.  Why on earth would anybody do that?  But, mostly that reaction stems from the fact that I have always tried to hedge my bets and make my life as safe as I possibly can.  Why…when you have a perfectly good set of armor, would you walk out onto a battlefield without it, to fight a person – a giant – who has slain every soldier that has ever come up against him.  What I’m learning about God, the longer I walk with Him, is that there is NO ROOM for a Plan B.  God’s way is the plan.  Period.  He is THE WAY.  Putting on a suit of armor in order to satisfy some “just in case” notion is the same as telling God, “Yes, I know you SAY you’ve got this, but I think I should help you out some.”  What arrogance!  What pride!  To think that God has so little control over a situation He placed us in that He would need us to help Him.  And if we needed to help him, would He be a God worth worshipping?  Couldn’t we just find someone strong enough to help us if we couldn’t do it ourselves? 

PRAY/LIVE:  Priest and author Henri Nouwen wrote, “Make the conscious choice to move the attention of your anxious heart away from [the] waves and direct it to the One who walks on them and says, ‘It’s me.  Don’t be afraid.’…Look at him and say, ‘Lord, have mercy.’  Say it again and again, not anxiously but with confidence that he is very close to you and will put your soul to rest.”  (To read the rest of the story, see John 6:16-21)

          What do you feel anxious about, if anything?  What might happen if you shifted your attention” away from [the] waves” and “to the One who walks on them”?  What concrete thing could you do to help redirect your attention?

Admittedly, at this point in my life, I feel like I have plenty that I could be anxious about.  Oftentimes, I am, or rather, I have been.  FREQUENTLY.  At times, I have given in to the helplessness that threatens to overtake me, and I have spent the day (or two) whining in my bed about how much I can’t stand the way things have gone for me, for my husband, and for our children.  But…God has been faithful.  We are not just making it.  Given the circumstances, we are thriving.  It’s hard to make sense of it.  It’s hard to believe the words coming out of my mouth even as I tell people that we really are fine, that we are making it.  But that’s the truth.  God has not left our sides.  He has led us through this and we are finally to a point where none of us feels like this thing is going to define our lives.  Change them?  Yes, absolutely.  Change us?  How could it not?  But, define us?  No.  Defeat us?  Absolutely not.  So, when I’m done whining, I remind myself that I have been through hard times before (none harder than this), and I made it through, and had plenty of strength and faith to draw off of for later hard times.   I am convinced that this time will be no different.  But, this time, it won’t be because I have gritted my teeth and just endured.  It will be because I have put my faith in the One who has been leading us through this ordeal and who will continue to see us through to the end.