Day Forty-Two: Reflections on Week 6 – Grapes, Wine & Christianity

It’s hard for me to believe that I’ve been doing this 6 weeks.  I know, actually, that it’s been longer than 6 weeks, but this is the longest that I’ve spent time really trying to be so diligent about doing just about anything, except for carrying a child.

 

Today, want share something that is not really a reflection on how God has met me this week, but rather it’s a few things I figured out from a road trip that led me to a winery, where I took a tour of their operation.

 

Our tour guide shared several facts about wine and grapes that parallel some things about Christianity that I would like to share with you.

 

Before a vintner ever plants a grape, he will send a soil sample away to have it tested.  He will get a profile page (or pages) back that tell him what type of soil it is, what nutrients it has, and what it needs.  He will examine his land to see where would be a good place to plant the grapes.  All crops need a specific type of moisture; grapes are no exception.  All these things must be taken into consideration before a grape vine ever goes into the ground if the vintner is to have a good crop.

The kind of wine you want to produce will be dictated by the type of grape you plant.  But a Merlot in Maryland will taste different from a Merlot from California or France.  Even more specifically, a Merlot from one county in Maryland will taste different from a Merlot from another county in Maryland.  The reason:  different types of soil produce different flavor profiles in the grapes, which changes the flavor of the wine.  Also, different nutrients in the soil will change the flavor of the wine.  The vintner chooses which grapes he will plant in which soil.  Some soil is rocky; some is sandy, and some is shale-y.  But grapes will grow in each kind.  A good vintner will only plant grapes where they will thrive because he wants a good return on his investment.  After that, where the grapes are cultivated determines their flavor.

However, how the vintner treats the grapes will also dictate how the wine turns out, even to the point of whether the grape becomes wine or just grape juice.

Among vintners, there is a saying:  “What’s good for corn is bad for grapes.”  When grape vines are matured, the roots extend as deep as 40 feet into the ground and spread out as far as 50 feet.  This is what makes the root stock so important.  Corn doesn’t do this.  It needs much more moisture because the roots stay so close to the surface that the moisture evaporates sooner.  For grapes, with a root system that extends so far into the ground, they can hold onto the water for much longer.  They don’t need copious amounts of rain to thrive.  In fact, copious amounts of rain is bad for grapes.  To put an even finer point on it:  drought conditions are actually good for grapes.  According to our tour guide, drought conditions are good for wine because, though fewer and smaller grapes are produced, the resulting flavor is more intense because it is more concentrated within the grape.  The wine that comes from these grapes is often called “Reserve” because of the conditions.

Before wine can ever be pressed, indeed before a grape is ever picked, the vines must be pruned.  Yesterday, the tour guide informed us that, after a new vine is planted, for the first few years, the vine will produce no usable fruit.  That is not to say that the vine does not bear fruit.  It does.  However, because the vine is still new and not strong enough to produce fruit suitable to wine-making, the fruit is cut off and left on the ground to decompose and enrich the soil.  Unfruitful branches are cut away as well.  They must be.  Sap dedicated to the maturation of the vine shall not be wasted on a branch that does not produce fruit.  Beyond that, even fruitful branches are pruned so that they will produce better and sweeter fruit.  Finally, the canopy of the vines is also cut back so that the vintner can ensure the grapes that have been trained to grow on the bottom wire of the frame can get the maximum amount of sun.  Without enough sun, the grapes will mold before they ripen.

The type of oak used to make the barrels used to ferment the wine will add to the wine’s flavor profile, as well.  Furthermore, the insides of the barrels can be toasted.  There are three degrees of toasting used on the barrels at the vineyard I visited.  Low-toast, medium-toast, and high toast.  The higher the toasting on the inside of the barrel, the less of the oaky flavor imparted to the wine.  After the grape is grown and pressed, and the juice is squeezed, it is set aside a while to ferment in yet another place that will change its flavor before the vintner decides it is ready to serve.

White wines are made from grapes whose skins have been removed, whether the skins on the initial grapes were red, purple, or white.  Then it is filtered and filtered and filtered, until the wine is crystal clear and bright.  Red wines have all the skins, and are filtered less so that the skins and the tannins are not removed; as a result, red wines are also cloudier than whites.  A good vintner decides if he wants to produce red wine or white wine, and puts the wine through the appropriate processes to get the product he wants.

Some pretty striking parallels, if you look for them.  Beginning with the Vintner.

A good vintner, or vine-dresser, is educated:  he knows about his land, his soil, and the weather it gets.  He knows about grapes.  He knows about wine.  He educates himself as much as possible before ever planting a vine.  He knows which soil will produce the best quality grapes and, hence, the best quality wines.  He chooses the grape for the soil.  There is no accident.  He knew the soil and the grapes before he put them together.  Just like God.  He knew us before He formed us in our mothers’ wombs.  Not only did He know who we would be; he also knew the family to whom we would be given.  It was no accident I had the mother I did, who had the mother she did, who had the mother she did, and so on, and so on.  I am precisely where I am supposed to be because God designed it so, and He is not done.  What I realize now is:  Where God places you to grow you up is going to determine the flavor you present to the world.  Some people can better withstand the influences around them without taking too much of it into themselves.  Others cannot.

I’ve been around for several years.  I’ve had years of producing fruit.  I’ve had years of not producing fruit.  I’ve had things trimmed off of me that were painful to lose, but I can see now that they had to go.  Otherwise, I’d have never produced the kind of fruit that God wants me to produce, and I know He’s not done with me yet.

I have sat on the vine for years.  I have wished for action, wanting something to happen, to one day become wine that everyone could appreciate, but still I’ve been left on the vine.  Then…when I finally got picked, I found that I had to be stomped and squeezed and pressed, and sometimes skinned, before I’d ever become wine.  So, not only was I impatient on the vine, I was now in pain over the process.  I found myself wondering how it could be that I had wished for this thing that would cause me so much pain.  Who in the world would sign on for this?  Then, finally, I was juice.  But still, I was not done.

Then, I was placed on a shelf, left alone, stewing, sometimes for months or years, until it was time to be released.  In fact, I feel like that now.  There have been times over this past 18 months when I’ve felt like I would just explode if I wasn’t released.  But, the Vintner has come along and released some of the pressure that has built up, or it has evaporated, dissipating over time, and I’ve simmered down, content that I could make it another day.

I’ve had times of drought, too.  There have been times when I’ve cried out for relief and it has never come, and I’ve felt like I would just shrivel up and die.  Then, when it was over, I found that my walk with the Lord and my relationships with the people who walked with me through that time was sweeter and deeper than ever I could have imagined.

I remember, years ago, hearing a commercial for a winery (or a line of wines) that had the slogan:  “We will sell no wine before it’s time.”  A good vintner tests and tests the wine while it is fermenting so that he can tell when it is mature enough to be released to the world.  He knows the recipe he used and all the steps that would be involved in getting the wine to just the right flavor and mouth feel.  And only the vintner can make the ultimate decision on when it’s time to bottle the wine and release its blessing onto the world.  I don’t know how long God is going to have me and my family where we are.  I wish I did.  But one thing I do know is that God is not going to release me until He’s done with me.

Here’s another interesting fact I learned yesterday.  Upon entering the vineyard grounds, I noticed that, at the end of each row of grapes at this winery, grew a small rose bush.  Vintners grow rose bushes at the end of their rows because roses and grapes need similar soils, moisture levels and nutrients.  As the rose grows, so grow the grapes.  If the rose gets a blight or a disease, the vintner knows that he better treat the grapes in order to protect the crop from that same blight or disease.

As I was thinking about this point, I was trying to figure out if there is anything in my life that serves as an early-warning system for other areas in my life that may need some work.  That’s when something my pastor said from the pulpit, years ago, came flooding back to me.  He said, “if you are a pastor, standing up here, trying to lead your flock and your family life isn’t squared away, you need to step down and get that in order first.  If you let that fall apart, nothing else will matter.”  Often, God gives us children to help us to see what, inside us, he wants to work on or weed out because, inevitably, our children will exhibit those qualities about ourselves that we find most distasteful.  They are our mini barometers.  And if you don’t have a family, the thing you can use as a clue to what God wants to work on is what quality in your fellow man that you “hate” the most.  What is that one thing that you absolutely cannot stand about people?  What is that one character flaw that most annoys you or drives you crazy?  Most times, THAT THING is the very thing God is trying to work on in you.  You see it because you recognize it, because you look for it, because you are often guilty of that very thing.  (Yes, I know this is a blanket statement, but it seems to have played out in my life and in the lives of nearly everyone I’ve shared this with.)

One final thing before I wrap this up:  Wineries do not just pop up out of the ground.  A grape plant here or there may spring up because a bird eats some grapes and drops the seeds wherever.  But row upon row of grapes will not spring up out of the ground in nice, neat orderly rows.  Order does not JUST HAPPEN.  Order has to be designed.  Furthermore, wine also does not just happen.  There is a whole process that must happen in order for the juice from inside the grape to become wine.  A person with a passion for grapes and wine and the know-how to make one become the other has to impose his will upon nature and make it happen.  There is no accidental, coincidental wine.

 

 

Day Forty-One: Idol Factories

READ:  1 Kings 12:27-33 Focus on the sentence:  “This was blatant sin.”

 

(27) “As soon as these people resume worship at The Temple of God in Jerusalem, they’ll start thinking of Rehoboam king of Judah as their ruler.  They’ll then kill me and go back to King Rehoboam.”

(28-30) So the king came up with a plan:  He made two golden calves.  Then he announced, “It’s too much trouble for you to go to Jerusalem to worship.  Look at these–the gods who brought you out of Egypt!”  he put one calf in Bethel; the other he placed in Dan.  This was blatant sin.  Think of it – people traveling all the way to Dan to worship a calf!

(31-33) And that wasn’t the end of it.  Jeroboam built forbidden shrines all over the place and recruited priests from wherever he could find them, regardless of whether they were fit for the job or not.  To top it off, he created a holy New Year festival to be held on the fifteenth day of the eighth month to replace the one in Judah, complete with worship offered on the Altar at Bethel and sacrificing before the calves he had set up there.  He staffed Bethel with priests from the local shrines he had made.  This was strictly his own idea to compete with the feast in Judah; and he carried it off with flair, a festival exclusively for Israel, Jeroboam himself leading the worship at the Altar.

 

THINK:  Israel at this time was split into two sections:  the northern and the southern kingdoms.  Jeroboam was ruling in the northern kingdom.  He erected two golden calves (as Aaron had at Sinai in Exodus).  In addition to calves, he erected forbidden shrines and created a sacred holiday.

          Instead of placing his entire trust in Yahweh, Jeroboam chose to erect idols  to be the center of worship for the people in his kingdom.  Under his leadership, the significance of worshiping the Lord God was lessened and eventually lost.

          Sneering at such blatant disrespect of the living God is easy for us.  But even though we don’t erect golden calves, our focus on certain things eclipses our worship of God.  John Calvin said that our hearts are idol factories.

          Meditate on some of the golden calves in your life that eclipse your worship of God.  These could be reputation, power, wealth, identity, fame, church, relationships–anything that takes your eyes of God.

 

PRAY:  Spend time confessing your golden calves.  Ask the Holy Spirit to pinch you each time you turn to them.

 

LIVE:  Be aware that your heart is an idol factory.  Recognize that idols come in all shapes and sizes.  When you find yourself bowing a knee to them, return to the Lord in humility

 

Since April 2011, God has been showing me just where my golden calves are.  For a good while, I chose to ignore Him, thinking that I was okay; maybe I was being too hard on myself for something (I didn’t know what).  But over the course of my marriage of almost-21-years, I’ve been shown many idols:  my relatives; my reputation; my kids; my spouse; my comfort; my convenience; my dream; my wishes; my plans.  Having these pruned from my life has been painful.  Sadly, I can’t say that all the cutting away of those things is done yet.  I think that’s something we can’t know for sure unless and until the pruning starts again.  That being said, it is not fair to say that these things are not from the Lord.  What is not from the Lord, however, is the importance that I place on them when they have priority over God in my life. 

 

Think about it for a minute or two.  Have you ever chosen the path of least resistance when God called you to step out in faith?  Have you ever chosen to keep quiet when you should’ve spoken up?  Have you ever spoken up when you should’ve kept quiet?  What was your motivation?  If obedience to God was not the motivation, then it’s possible what prompted the disobedient choice has its root in something that is an idol in your life.  For instance, I don’t like tension in my house.  I have done many things to keep the peace in my house.  Many of those things have been at my own personal expense just to keep from rocking the boat.  What has eventually happened in some instances – not all – is that I’ve compromised so much of myself away that I found myself smack dab in the middle of a situation that I could not stand, and had nobody to blame but myself for letting things get so far out of hand.  Then, I’ve had to reclaim the ground that God had given me to stand on that I sacrificed in the name of “keeping the peace”.  However, what I had really done was placed the idol of my immediate comfort in a place of greater importance than God’s will for my life. 

 

How about this one?  Have you ever just jumped right into your routine when you know the Lord was beckoning to you to spend time with Him?  When I was away at Liberty, with the television off, I had “plenty of time” to do this devotional every day and really hear from God.  But, when I got home, I found that I had settled into a routine in my new life.  I’ve never been much of one for watching the news, but I have been for the last 18 months or so.  That’s become my new morning routine.  I get up, pour my coffee, and go watch the morning news until the early program ends at 9.  I start my day.  When I was away at school, I didn’t do that.  As a result, I had plenty of time to get my devotional done and to really ponder it, throughout the day, and while I was just hanging out in my room.  Devotional time was how I started and ended my day, apart from reading to my kids before they went to bed.  It was the best thing I could’ve done for myself.  But now, I’m back at home, and that morning “coffee-news” routine has sucked me back in so far that, now, my devotionals are sometimes a day late (or two).  Taking into consideration that I can be, very much, an “all-or-nothing” person, posting these entries every other day is still better than what I was doing this time last year.  Also, posting this everyday can, just as easily, come to take the place of God in my life if I am just doing it because I want to accumulate posts in my blog.  I started this because I needed a way to make sure that I was going to do this everyday.  I knew if I didn’t blog my way through it, if I only journaled it on my computer or in my notebook, it would be too easy to give it up because there’d be nobody to read it and ask me about why I had stopped posting.  So…why don’t I just get up a little bit earlier in the morning and take care of this before I go watch the news?  Well, that’s another set of idols:  the idol of my comfortable bed added to the idol of my entertainment (staying up too late the night before, not going to bed on time to want to get up earlier in the morning). 

 

I have no way of knowing what your idols are but, I figure, since your human, yours look pretty much the same way mine do.  If not, if your’s is something else, fine.  But we all have them, and God means for us to be mastered by nobody or nothing but Him.  So, rest assured, He will begin working on that idol in you in due time.  It’s just what He does.  If you don’t know what your idols are, ask.  God will show you. 

Day Forty: Pay Attention to My Prayers

READ:  1 Kings 8:22-30

 

(22-25) Before the entire congregation of Israel, Solomon took a position before the Altar, spread his hands out before heaven, and prayed,

O God, God of Israel, there is no God like you in the skies above or on the earth below who unswervingly keeps covenant with his servants and relentlessly loves them as they sincerely live in obedience to your way.  You kept your word to David my father, your personal word.  You did exactly what you promised–every detail.  The proof is before us today!

     Keep it up, God, O God of Israel!  Continue to keep the promises you made to David my father when you said, “You’ll always have a descendant to represent my rule on Israel’s throne, on the condition that your sons are as careful to live obediently in my presence as you have.”

(26) O God of Israel, let all this happen; confirm and establish it!

(27-30) Can it be that God will actually move into our neighborhood?  Why, the cosmos itself isn’t large enough to give you breathing room, let alone this Temple I’ve built.  Even so, I’m bold to ask:  Pay attention to these my prayers, both intercessory and personal, O God, my God.  Listen to my prayers, energetic and devout, that I’m setting before you right now.  Keep your eyes open to this Temple night and day, this place of which you said, “My name will be honored there,” and listen to the prayers that I pray at this place.

 

THINK:  What’s your immediate reaction to Solomon’s candid prayer to God?  Think about the statements Solomon makes and the things he asks God to do.  Are they things you could let yourself ask of God?  Or do they indicate a belief in qualities of God that you have not encountered or experienced?  Which qualities?

 

I’m a sucker for adverbs; so, immediately, I latched on to the words unswervingly and relentlessly and sincerely.  God unswervingly keeps covenant with those who sincerely obey him and he loves them relentlessly.  When I read that, I wonder:  “Really?  What does that look like?”  This time a year ago, I would’ve asked the same questions but they would’ve been asked rhetorically and sarcastically (see, 2 more adverbs). Now…I just want to see.  We did sincerely obey God in our current situation.  If the word of God says that God keeps unswervingly to the covenant He made and that He relentlessly loves those who are sincerely obedient, then why are we in this position?  What covenant is He keeping when He lets injustice prevail?  Of course, I realize that this is where the relentless love part comes into play.  Because God loves us so relentlessly, He will not give up on us until we are perfected until the day of Christ Jesus.  Everything is working toward that end, to include this situation we are in.  I also know that the covenant He made, that He is keeping unswervingly, is the one that says that we will get to be with Him in paradise so long as we are sincerely obedient to His Way.  Other than that, we are also guaranteed to suffer as Christ suffered because the world will hate us as it hated (and still hates) Him.  And, he’s doing a pretty good job of keeping His end of the bargain on that one too. 

 

Finally, the only other promise I know that God has made us, regarding our current situation He made to my mother and that had to do with taking care of me during this ordeal.  Well…we’ve been cared for.  Immensely!  Even if it hasn’t looked like I wanted it to or prayed it would. 

 

 

PRAY:  Read Solomon’s prayer again, this time listening for what stands out to you as representing the lack of belief you noticed in yourself when you read the passage the first time.  Explore your reaction more deeply, paying attention to what it tells you about yourself.  Maybe you feel that you can bring to God only desires that are completely selfless, or perhaps you don’t trust that he “relentlessly loves” you.  Share with God what you uncover.

 

Dear Heavenly Father, in a day and age when so much love we receive is conditional, it is often hard to believe that there is anyone out there who would love us just because.  It is even harder to believe that someone would give their lives in return for what could be nothing.  Your love is easy to doubt because we just don’t see it these days.  Fathers leave.  Marriages break apart.  Nothing is permanent anymore.  I know this is not the way you designed the world to be, but that’s how it is and it makes coming to you, in faith, very difficult.  It’s much easier to believe a person we can see loves us because they are there to demonstrate it visibly and tangibly.  So much of your love for us seems to be based on faith and sometimes we just want “proof” – and no, because we woke up today is often not proof enough.  Because the sun rose in the east and set in the west, and there’s no real reason why is not proof enough.  I realize that means that there are many things we take for granted, Lord.  So many things.  And yet…here we are.  And unless Jesus returns in the middle of the night, I imagine that today is going to go pretty much like every other day in my life, with or without the bumps and bruises.  With all this, it’s hard to feel like, or believe, that you would answer a prayer that is not completely selfless because we know that we have done nothing to deserve you answering any of our prayers.  It’s much easier to have faith in your answering a prayer that is selfless than it is to believe you will answer a prayer that only seems to benefit ourselves because you don’t want your children to be self-seeking.  So, Lord, my prayer, tonight, is that you would help us with our insecurities that drive us to feel like we have to justify everything we ask for that is just for ourselves.  We will have what you give us, but, as a Father, as a Good Parent, you want your children to also ask for the things they want, as well as for the things they need.  Help us to step out in faith and pray for those things, trusting that you will hear us and that you want to hear those prayers.  Help us to ask and keep asking; to seek and keep seeking; and to knock and keep knocking.  Lastly, Lord, please, pay attention to our prayers. 

          In Your Son’s Precious and Holy Name, I pray…Amen.

 

LIVE:  Ignatius of Loyola once said, “Everything that one turns in the direction of God is prayer.”  No matter what has arisen in you during this time – irritation, fear, desire, disinterest, lack of trust in God – it can all be prayer when shared with him; it’s all part of your conversation with God.  Notice how Solomon lets his anxiety and insecurity spill into his prayer to God, and allow yourself to do the same.

Day Forty: Pay Attention to My Prayers

READ:  1 Kings 8:22-30

 

(22-25) Before the entire congregation of Israel, Solomon took a position before the Altar, spread his hands out before heaven, and prayed,

O God, God of Israel, there is no God like you in the skies above or on the earth below who unswervingly keeps covenant with his servants and relentlessly loves them as they sincerely live in obedience to your way.  You kept your word to David my father, your personal word.  You did exactly what you promised–every detail.  The proof is before us today!

     Keep it up, God, O God of Israel!  Continue to keep the promises you made to David my father when you said, “You’ll always have a descendant to represent my rule on Israel’s throne, on the condition that your sons are as careful to live obediently in my presence as you have.”

(26) O God of Israel, let all this happen; confirm and establish it!

(27-30) Can it be that God will actually move into our neighborhood?  Why, the cosmos itself isn’t large enough to give you breathing room, let alone this Temple I’ve built.  Even so, I’m bold to ask:  Pay attention to these my prayers, both intercessory and personal, O God, my God.  Listen to my prayers, energetic and devout, that I’m setting before you right now.  Keep your eyes open to this Temple night and day, this place of which you said, “My name will be honored there,” and listen to the prayers that I pray at this place.

 

THINK:  What’s your immediate reaction to Solomon’s candid prayer to God?  Think about the statements Solomon makes and the things he asks God to do.  Are they things you could let yourself ask of God?  Or do they indicate a belief in qualities of God that you have not encountered or experienced?  Which qualities?

 

I’m a sucker for adverbs; so, immediately, I latched on to the words unswervingly and relentlessly and sincerely.  God unswervingly keeps covenant with those who sincerely obey him and he loves them relentlessly.  When I read that, I wonder:  “Really?  What does that look like?”  This time a year ago, I would’ve asked the same questions but they would’ve been asked rhetorically and sarcastically (see, 2 more adverbs). Now…I just want to see.  We did sincerely obey God in our current situation.  If the word of God says that God keeps unswervingly to the covenant He made and that He relentlessly loves those who are sincerely obedient, then why are we in this position?  What covenant is He keeping when He lets injustice prevail?  Of course, I realize that this is where the relentless love part comes into play.  Because God loves us so relentlessly, He will not give up on us until we are perfected until the day of Christ Jesus.  Everything is working toward that end, to include this situation we are in.  I also know that the covenant He made, that He is keeping unswervingly, is the one that says that we will get to be with Him in paradise so long as we are sincerely obedient to His Way.  Other than that, we are also guaranteed to suffer as Christ suffered because the world will hate us as it hated (and still hates) Him.  And, he’s doing a pretty good job of keeping His end of the bargain on that one too. 

 

Finally, the only other promise I know that God has made us, regarding our current situation He made to my mother and that had to do with taking care of me during this ordeal.  Well…we’ve been cared for.  Immensely!  Even if it hasn’t looked like I wanted it to or prayed it would. 

 

 

PRAY:  Read Solomon’s prayer again, this time listening for what stands out to you as representing the lack of belief you noticed in yourself when you read the passage the first time.  Explore your reaction more deeply, paying attention to what it tells you about yourself.  Maybe you feel that you can bring to God only desires that are completely selfless, or perhaps you don’t trust that he “relentlessly loves” you.  Share with God what you uncover.

 

Dear Heavenly Father, in a day and age when so much love we receive is conditional, it is often hard to believe that there is anyone out there who would love us just because.  It is even harder to believe that someone would give their lives in return for what could be nothing.  Your love is easy to doubt because we just don’t see it these days.  Fathers leave.  Marriages break apart.  Nothing is permanent anymore.  I know this is not the way you designed the world to be, but that’s how it is and it makes coming to you, in faith, very difficult.  It’s much easier to believe a person we can see loves us because they are there to demonstrate it visibly and tangibly.  So much of your love for us seems to be based on faith and sometimes we just want “proof” – and no, because we woke up today is often not proof enough.  Because the sun rose in the east and set in the west, and there’s no real reason why is not proof enough.  I realize that means that there are many things we take for granted, Lord.  So many things.  And yet…here we are.  And unless Jesus returns in the middle of the night, I imagine that today is going to go pretty much like every other day in my life, with or without the bumps and bruises.  With all this, it’s hard to feel like, or believe, that you would answer a prayer that is not completely selfless because we know that we have done nothing to deserve you answering any of our prayers.  It’s much easier to have faith in your answering a prayer that is selfless than it is to believe you will answer a prayer that only seems to benefit ourselves because you don’t want your children to be self-seeking.  So, Lord, my prayer, tonight, is that you would help us with our insecurities that drive us to feel like we have to justify everything we ask for that is just for ourselves.  We will have what you give us, but, as a Father, as a Good Parent, you want your children to also ask for the things they want, as well as for the things they need.  Help us to step out in faith and pray for those things, trusting that you will hear us and that you want to hear those prayers.  Help us to ask and keep asking; to seek and keep seeking; and to knock and keep knocking.  Lastly, Lord, please, pay attention to our prayers. 

          In Your Son’s Precious and Holy Name, I pray…Amen.

 

LIVE:  Ignatius of Loyola once said, “Everything that one turns in the direction of God is prayer.”  No matter what has arisen in you during this time – irritation, fear, desire, disinterest, lack of trust in God – it can all be prayer when shared with him; it’s all part of your conversation with God.  Notice how Solomon lets his anxiety and insecurity spill into his prayer to God, and allow yourself to do the same.

Day Thirty-Nine: A Dream Fulfilled

READ:  1 Kings 5:1-5

 

(1-4) Hiram king of Tyre sent ambassadors to Solomon when he heard that he had been crowned king in David’s place.  Hiram had loved David his whole life.  Solomon responded, saying, “You know that David my father was not able to build a temple in honor of God because of the wars he had to fight on all sides, until God finally put them down.  But now God has provided peace all around–no one against us, nothing at odds with us.

(5) “Now here is what I want to do:  Build a temple in honor of God, my God, following the promise that God gave to David my father, namely ‘Your son whom I will provide to succeed you as king, he will build a house in my honor.'”

 

THINK:  Read the passage aloud slowly again, especially verses 3-5.

  1. Listen for the words or phrases that stand out to you–perhaps one of these
    1. “build a temple in honor of God”
    2. “wars he had to fight on all sides, until God finally put them down”
    3. “God has provided peace all around–no one against us, nothing at odds with us”
    4. “here is what I want to do…in honor of God, my God, following the promise that God gave”

 

These phrases indicate that David lived an interactive life with God and that Solomon is attempting to do the same.  They also refer to David and Solomon’s dream coming true.  David had wisely let go of his dream of building the temple, while Solomon was now taking the next step by implementing the dream.

  1. What dreams have you had?
  2. What dreams have you let go of or picked up?

 

I’ve had several dreams over the years.  For instance, in high school, I wanted to be a test pilot.  Then, I realized that it would be impossible because I had poor eyesight.  That was fine.  I gave that dream up.  Another dream that I had – when I was in 4th grade or so – was that, one day, I would marry someone who had a dark complexion, dark hair, and dark eyes.  That dream came true.  I’ve been married to that man for going-on-21-years.  Some dreams have come true; others have fallen by the wayside.  But, I am of the opinion that there is a difference between having a dream and just dreaming.  But, I also believe that either one can take the place of God in a person’s life and, if that happens, then God has this uncanny way of making sure you know that if it’s a dream from Him, it will happen in His timing, and if it isn’t, it won’t happen.  Of the dreams I’ve had (and still have) I don’t know if I can tell you which ones are from God and which ones are not.  I figure, if it’s from God, then it’ll happen because nothing can subvert the will of God.  If it isn’t, it won’t happen. 

 

Perhaps this is why the verse of the 4 passages above that speaks to me is the last one.  I can honestly say that my goals have not all been so honorable as to only desire to honor God.  Some of my dreams have only been about bringing honor to myself.  But, at this time in my life, I’m learning that if it isn’t about God first, it isn’t going to work out.  He won’t allow it.  As for following any specific promise, I’ve only felt like I’ve ever been given one promise (the promise of our third child), and that one has been fulfilled.  Other than that, I know we are promised Heaven and that God will never leave us nor forsake us.  These days, that’s just about all I feel like I can hold on to without running the risk of latching onto a false hope and having it dashed on the rocks by a wave of disappointment.  And…I’m learning to be okay with that. 

 

Don’t get me wrong.  I still pray and ask for what I want, but after being told “no” and “wait” so many times this past 3 years, I’m learning to trust that I’m going to get what God wants me to have when He wants me to have it or whenever He has adequately prepared me for it, and it for me.  He has to do it that way because, otherwise, I’d be running headlong after the gift instead of the Giver.

 

PRAY:  Talk to God about the phrases in the passage that hint at dreams you have.  Ask God to give you wisdom about whether you need to let go of these dreams or pick them up.  Ask God for vision and power to take your next step.

 

Abba Father, you have made each of us with our own special set of appetites and dreams and desires and wishes.  Only you can deliver unto each of us those things you desire us to have or those things that we need to help us grow into the people you want us to be in order to fulfill the purpose for which you designed us. Though it will be painful, strip away those things that do not conform to Your Will and Your Purpose for our lives.  Help us to see that there is nothing wrong with mourning the loss of a dream because You created us to be emotional beings.  But, help us, also, to see that we are led by faith and not by feelings, so we do not have to be tossed about on waves of indecision and fickle emotions and appetites, and we can bring our wills into submission to Yours despite how we feel.  Grant us an extra measure of grace to accept on faith those things we cannot yet understand and are not yet ready to see.  Remember that we are just dust and we are going to fall, and please be patient with us as we are all fallible, but we are trying. 

 

For the person out there tonight who feels like you have turned their back, I pray for peace.  Lord, you did not lead the Israelites out of Egypt and into the desert to die, but you did it to prove to them that YOU were all they needed.  Help them to see that it is because You love your people that you lead them into places where they have to rely on You and You Alone, otherwise we never learn that You are all we need.

 

For people who feel like you are always saying WAIT and that their dreams are always being put on hold, I pray that you would strengthen their spirits.  They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength and they will mount up with wings as eagles because Your Word says so and Your Word does not return to You void.  That means, if you said it, it has as much as happened.  But you exist outside of time and space and sometimes it is hard to be so eternally minded when we live in such a microwave world.  Lord, we believe, only help our unbelief.

 

Thank you, Lord, for your LONG-SUFFERING.  You are forever having to be patient with us, and yet, you desire that none should perish but that all should come to you.  Thank you for not giving up on us when we are ready to throw in the towel on ourselves.  Thank you that we do not have to live in the past and thank you that tomorrow does not have to be like today because your mercies are new every morning and you will give us THIS DAY our daily bread.

 

In Jesus’ Name, I pray…….Amen.

 

LIVE:  Relish the peace that God gives, knowing that dreams don’t have to be realized today.  Maybe ponder and pursue your next step.  Put on the idea of readiness and see if it fits.

Day Thirty-Nine: A Dream Fulfilled

READ:  1 Kings 5:1-5

 

(1-4) Hiram king of Tyre sent ambassadors to Solomon when he heard that he had been crowned king in David’s place.  Hiram had loved David his whole life.  Solomon responded, saying, “You know that David my father was not able to build a temple in honor of God because of the wars he had to fight on all sides, until God finally put them down.  But now God has provided peace all around–no one against us, nothing at odds with us.

(5) “Now here is what I want to do:  Build a temple in honor of God, my God, following the promise that God gave to David my father, namely ‘Your son whom I will provide to succeed you as king, he will build a house in my honor.'”

 

THINK:  Read the passage aloud slowly again, especially verses 3-5.

  1. Listen for the words or phrases that stand out to you–perhaps one of these
    1. “build a temple in honor of God”
    2. “wars he had to fight on all sides, until God finally put them down”
    3. “God has provided peace all around–no one against us, nothing at odds with us”
    4. “here is what I want to do…in honor of God, my God, following the promise that God gave”

 

These phrases indicate that David lived an interactive life with God and that Solomon is attempting to do the same.  They also refer to David and Solomon’s dream coming true.  David had wisely let go of his dream of building the temple, while Solomon was now taking the next step by implementing the dream.

  1. What dreams have you had?
  2. What dreams have you let go of or picked up?

 

I’ve had several dreams over the years.  For instance, in high school, I wanted to be a test pilot.  Then, I realized that it would be impossible because I had poor eyesight.  That was fine.  I gave that dream up.  Another dream that I had – when I was in 4th grade or so – was that, one day, I would marry someone who had a dark complexion, dark hair, and dark eyes.  That dream came true.  I’ve been married to that man for going-on-21-years.  Some dreams have come true; others have fallen by the wayside.  But, I am of the opinion that there is a difference between having a dream and just dreaming.  But, I also believe that either one can take the place of God in a person’s life and, if that happens, then God has this uncanny way of making sure you know that if it’s a dream from Him, it will happen in His timing, and if it isn’t, it won’t happen.  Of the dreams I’ve had (and still have) I don’t know if I can tell you which ones are from God and which ones are not.  I figure, if it’s from God, then it’ll happen because nothing can subvert the will of God.  If it isn’t, it won’t happen. 

 

Perhaps this is why the verse of the 4 passages above that speaks to me is the last one.  I can honestly say that my goals have not all been so honorable as to only desire to honor God.  Some of my dreams have only been about bringing honor to myself.  But, at this time in my life, I’m learning that if it isn’t about God first, it isn’t going to work out.  He won’t allow it.  As for following any specific promise, I’ve only felt like I’ve ever been given one promise (the promise of our third child), and that one has been fulfilled.  Other than that, I know we are promised Heaven and that God will never leave us nor forsake us.  These days, that’s just about all I feel like I can hold on to without running the risk of latching onto a false hope and having it dashed on the rocks by a wave of disappointment.  And…I’m learning to be okay with that. 

 

Don’t get me wrong.  I still pray and ask for what I want, but after being told “no” and “wait” so many times this past 3 years, I’m learning to trust that I’m going to get what God wants me to have when He wants me to have it or whenever He has adequately prepared me for it, and it for me.  He has to do it that way because, otherwise, I’d be running headlong after the gift instead of the Giver.

 

PRAY:  Talk to God about the phrases in the passage that hint at dreams you have.  Ask God to give you wisdom about whether you need to let go of these dreams or pick them up.  Ask God for vision and power to take your next step.

 

Abba Father, you have made each of us with our own special set of appetites and dreams and desires and wishes.  Only you can deliver unto each of us those things you desire us to have or those things that we need to help us grow into the people you want us to be in order to fulfill the purpose for which you designed us. Though it will be painful, strip away those things that do not conform to Your Will and Your Purpose for our lives.  Help us to see that there is nothing wrong with mourning the loss of a dream because You created us to be emotional beings.  But, help us, also, to see that we are led by faith and not by feelings, so we do not have to be tossed about on waves of indecision and fickle emotions and appetites, and we can bring our wills into submission to Yours despite how we feel.  Grant us an extra measure of grace to accept on faith those things we cannot yet understand and are not yet ready to see.  Remember that we are just dust and we are going to fall, and please be patient with us as we are all fallible, but we are trying. 

 

For the person out there tonight who feels like you have turned their back, I pray for peace.  Lord, you did not lead the Israelites out of Egypt and into the desert to die, but you did it to prove to them that YOU were all they needed.  Help them to see that it is because You love your people that you lead them into places where they have to rely on You and You Alone, otherwise we never learn that You are all we need.

 

For people who feel like you are always saying WAIT and that their dreams are always being put on hold, I pray that you would strengthen their spirits.  They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength and they will mount up with wings as eagles because Your Word says so and Your Word does not return to You void.  That means, if you said it, it has as much as happened.  But you exist outside of time and space and sometimes it is hard to be so eternally minded when we live in such a microwave world.  Lord, we believe, only help our unbelief.

 

Thank you, Lord, for your LONG-SUFFERING.  You are forever having to be patient with us, and yet, you desire that none should perish but that all should come to you.  Thank you for not giving up on us when we are ready to throw in the towel on ourselves.  Thank you that we do not have to live in the past and thank you that tomorrow does not have to be like today because your mercies are new every morning and you will give us THIS DAY our daily bread.

 

In Jesus’ Name, I pray…….Amen.

 

LIVE:  Relish the peace that God gives, knowing that dreams don’t have to be realized today.  Maybe ponder and pursue your next step.  Put on the idea of readiness and see if it fits.

Day Thirty-Eight: God Feels the Pain

THE PASSAGE:  2 Samuel 24:13-17, 25 (EXPANDED PASSAGE:  2 SAMUEL 24)

 

(13) Gad came to deliver the message:  “Do you want three years of famine in the land, or three months of running from your enemies while they chase you down, or three days of an epidemic on the country?  Think it over and make up your mind.  What shall I tell the one who sent me?”

(14) David told Gad, “They’re all terrible!  But I’d rather be punished by God, whose mercy is great, than fall into human hands.”

(15-16) So God let loose an epidemic from morning until suppertime.  From Dan to Beersheba seventy thousand people died.  But when the angel reached out over Jerusalem to destroy it, God felt the pain of the terror and told the angel who was spreading death among the people, “Enough’s enough!  Pull back!”

          The angel of God had just reached the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite.  Davie looked up and saw the angel hovering between earth and sky, sword drawn and about to strike Jerusalem.  David and the elders bowed in prayer and covered themselves with rough burlap.

(17) When David saw the angel about to destroy the people, he prayed, “Please!  I’m the one who sinned; I, the shepherd, did the wrong.  But these sheep, what did they do wrong?  Punish me and my family, not them.”…

(25) He built an altar to God there and sacrificed burnt offerings and peace offerings.  God was moved by the prayers and that was the end of the disaster

 

READ:  Skim the expanded passage.  Now read the excerpt three times carefully.

 

THINK/PRAY:  Set the text aside and imaginatively replay the story, inserting yourself as a character in it.  Perhaps you will be one of David’s elders, or David himself.

          What do you think and feel as you hear God’s words of discipline?  What do you experience as you walk through this tension-filled and tragic day?  What do you see?  Hear?  Smell?  What questions do you have for God?  Are you angry?  Afraid?  Talk to him.

          As the end of the day approaches and you see God’s interaction with the angel, what is that like for you?  When God’s heart is changed by David’s prayers, what thoughts and feelings bubble up in you?  Express them to God.

 

LIVE:  C. S. Lewis wrote, “[Each sinful act leaves a mark] on that tiny central self which no one sees in this life but which each of us will have to endure–or enjoy–for ever.  One man may be so placed that his anger sheds the blood of thousands, and another so placed that, however angry he gets, he will only be laughed at.  But the little mark on the soul may be much the same in both.”  Are there any “little marks” on your soul that you haven’t talked about with God?  Explore recent experiences, reactions, thoughts, and feelings you’ve had.  What do they tell you about what’s inside your heart?  Talk to God about this, and make note of any action that you feel he is leading you to.

 

So…I don’t really want to do the activity suggested by this week’s reading.  Furthermore, even if I did do the activity (or rather, when I do the activity), I don’t know that it’s necessary I share with you what my “little marks” are for you to benefit from this blog.  Call it an effort to practice discretion in whether or not to participate in full disclosure or fear, but I’m not going to share all my little marks (though, admittedly, I’ve shared quite a few already).   But, I will share what has struck me about this passage.

 

God felt their pain.  God felt their pain, and David’s prayer for deliverance or mercy was enough for God to stay His hand (or the angel’s hand).  I don’t mind saying that hearing that David’s prayers for mercy being answered while mine weren’t would’ve been grounds for me to throw a fit this time a year ago.  If God really felt our pain, why didn’t he deliver us from our circumstances?  That would’ve been my prayer a year ago.  Honestly, that probably would’ve been my prayer as recently as 6 months ago, too.  Because, you see, when I feel pain, my first reaction is to recoil.  When I see others feeling pain, I want to rush in and alleviate it, if I can.  I realize that this is not always a smart move.  Sometimes people need to live in their pain because they need to know what the consequences are.  Sometimes people don’t have a choice but to live in their pain because God refuses to move them until His purposes have been fulfilled. 

 

But there’s one thing I’ve come to believe about suffering.  It doesn’t matter the cause of the suffering.  It doesn’t matter the delivery method of said suffering.  Anybody who is suffering – everybody who is suffering – has to deal with God over that suffering.  Some press in and draw closer to Him.  Some jerk their hand out of his and try to take back control of their lives.  Others turn their backs on Him.  Regardless, we all have to decide where we go from here (wherever our “here” is when the suffering starts). 

 

Maybe you are like me and wondering where God was when you were crying out for your deliverance from the injustice in the world.  Maybe you just wanted to catch a break just this once because all your life you’ve felt like you’ve always gotten the short end of the stick.  Maybe you are just tired of the “bad guys” always winning while the “good guys” always seem to come in second.  I don’t know where you are in life right now, but I bet there’s a good chance that you’ve wondered how God let it get where it is.  And if your life is just fine right now, I bet you can remember a time when you felt that way.  But…if you’ve neither been in either position, let me tell you – it’s coming.  The question is:  what are you going to do with your suffering?  Are you going to let it make you bitter and dried up on the inside?  Or…are you going to let it do its transformative work, making you look more and more like Christ as time goes by?  Will you throw in the towel?  Or will you get up, dust yourself off, pick your gloves back up, and fight for another day?

 

My prayer is that you will fight.  His mercies really are new every morning.  And you only need strength for the day you are on.  You can hold on to yesterday’s victories and you can’t borrow from tomorrow.  You have to do the best you can with the measure of grace you’ve been given today. 

 

Dear Heavenly Father, if there is anyone out there right now thinking about quitting in whatever form that may look like for them (suicide, divorce, back-sliding), I pray that you would send someone their way to encourage them to hold on just a little while longer.  I pray that you would intervene supernaturally in such a way that they have no doubt that you have visited them tonight and they would be strengthened and comforted by the thought that “this too shall pass.”  Show them that you do feel their pain, that you are intimately touched when they are suffering.  Show them that this was never your plan for your Creation, that you long to be in communion and relationship with us, and show them that you have made a way for them to come back into the fold.  I pray for anyone who is reading this who may be hurting and needs comforting.  You alone, O Lord, are the Great Comforter.  To who else can we turn when things have gone wrong.  You are the creator of the universe.  You knew us before we were formed in our mothers’ wombs and you know every single hair on our heads.  You alone know exactly what it is we need when we are hurting.  Meet the needs of those who may be hurting tonight, Dear Lord, as only you can. 

 

I pray all these things in Your Son’s Precious and Holy Name, the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Day Thirty-Seven: Loving Those in the Here and Now

READ: 2 Samuel 19:1-8  Read the passage aloud slowly.  Absalom had rebelled against his father, David, and took over Israel.  As David mourns Absalom, the people who defended him and brought him back with honor are listening.

 

          (1-4) Joab was told that David was weeping and lamenting over Absalom.  The day’s victory turned into a day of mourning as word passed through the army, “David is grieving over his son.”  The army straggled back to the city that day demoralized, dragging their tails.  And the king held his face in his hands and lamented loudly,

          O my son Absalom,

          Absalom my dear, dear son!

          (5-7) But in private Joab rebuked the king: ” Now you’ve done it–knocked the wind out of your loyal servants who have just saved your life, to say nothing of the lives of your sons and daughters, wives and concubines.  What is this–loving those who hate you and hating those who love you?  Your actions give a clear message:  officers and soldiers mean nothing to you.  You know that if Absalom were alive right now, we’d all be dead – would that make you happy?  Get hold of yourself; get out there and put some heart into your servants!  I swear to God that if you don’t go to the  they’ll desert; not a soldier will be left here by nightfall.  And that will be the worst thing that has happened yet.”

           (8) So the king came out and took his place at the city gate.  Soon everyone knew: “Oh, look!  The king has come out to receive us.”  And his whole army came and presented itself to the king.  But the Israelites had fled the field of battle and gone home.

 

THINK:  Read the passage aloud slowly again.  David did what we often do.  He lived in regret.  He wanted what he used to have and what he couldn’t now have.  As a result, he undervalued and discouraged the people who had stood by him and helped him.

  1. Who do you identify with more: David or the army?
  2. Consider their feelings: David living in regret; the army feeling ignored and discarded.
  3. Consider their next steps: David turning his heart to the people around him who loved him; the army speaking up and stating their needs to a hurting person.

 

If I am to be honest, I’ve spent a lot of time this past year-and-a-half moping and whining about what I don’t have.  I’ve tried not to send the message that I thought I was the only person going through this.  I know that I am not.  But I am not sure if I have done a good job of making sure the people who love me know that I know what this has cost them.  I would say it.  But then, I would continue with my complaining and my pity party.  People have been kind.  Most people close to me cannot imagine what it would be like to be in my shoes.  And, to be fair, most of them are going through things I do not want to experience either.  But, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because I am in a somewhat “needy” position, I do not have resources to meet the needs of others.  Or, even easier than that, to fall into the trap the Enemy would set that would say that because I am in a needy position, I have the right to wallow in my pity.  Or, to check out of life because I didn’t get my way.  To pack up my toys and go home until God lets me have my way. 

 

HOW RIDICULOUS!

 

PRAY:  Pray for yourself and others, especially that they’ll see and implement any possible next steps (for example, moving out of regret and valuing the people in front of them, or speaking up to someone who is devaluing others).

 

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to remember that, every day, we need you.  You are Sovereign and nothing can thwart Your Will being done in the lives of those who are called by You for Your Purposes.  When times get hard, and they most certainly will, help us to rest in the knowledge that all things do work together for the good of those who love You.  And help us to be patient and steadfast when what is good for us is not comfortable or when it is downright painful.  Show us those people standing with us whom we may have overlooked or slighted by our complaining and whining, and show us ways that we can be a blessing to those who have blessed us in our hard times.  Show us the reserves we have stored up, out of which we can bless others.  Help us not to be stingy with our gifts (spiritual, physical, emotional, or financial); trusting that you will take care of those who you have called to be generous.  And, help us to be good stewards of those gifts: not throwing them around aimlessly, but using them the way you would have us to use them, to bless others and to glorify your name. 

In Your Son’s Precious and Holy Name, the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

 

LIVE:  Let your mind rest in glad appreciation for those who stand by you.  Ask God for opportunities to bless them.  Then in the dailiness of life, look for those opportunities.

Day Thirty-Six: An Absalom Moment

READ:  2 Samuel 15:3-6  (Read this five times.)

Then Absalom would say, “Look, you’ve got a strong case; but the king isn’t going to listen to you.”  Then he’d say, “Why doesn’t someone make me a judge for this country?  Anybody with a case could bring it to me and I’d settle things fair and square.”  Whenever someone would treat him with special honor, he’d shrug it off and treat him like an equal, making him feel important.  Absalom did this to everyone who came to do business with the king and stole the hearts of everyone in Israel

 

THINK:  “There are point in our lives (more often than we would like to admit) when we are attempt consciously or subconsciously to promote ourselves in unhealthy and selfish ways.  We puff ourselves up, brag about our accomplishments, and embellish the truth.”

          “Absalom, the son of King David, promotes himself for selfish gain in front of those who came to the city gate.  The text says he “stole the hearts of everyone in Israel.”

          “When are you most tempted to steal the hearts of everyone in_______________?  Think about your most recent Absalom moment.  Consider the roots of your temptation and how you might avoid it in the future.”

 

I have to admit that there have been plenty of times when I have wanted to steal people’s hearts by coming off as pleasing or by showing off my work.  In fact, I used to get my husband’s hand and lead him through the house when he came from work just to show him what all I had done for the day so that he could tell me “Good Job.”  I justified it by telling myself that if I didn’t do that, he probably wouldn’t notice.  Now…just so you know, I’m not that far off.  However, I heard a sermon several years ago that left me feeling rather convicted of those activities.  This sermon included the scripture that says that we are supposed to do everything as unto the Lord, and that we should be storing up treasures for ourselves in Heaven AND that it is better for God to promote us than it is for us to try to promote ourselves because Our Father who sees those things done in secret will reward us.

 

That being said, more often than not, I am guilty of fishing for compliments.  I have a tendency to downplay what I’ve done anyway, but when someone turns around and counters that with a compliment on how well I’ve done, it can feed the ego.  There have been times, I won’t lie, when I have thrown out those statements as bait, just hoping someone would bite and I’d get my compliment “fix”.  However, there have been plenty of times when I’ve thrown out that bait and never gotten a bite.  It’s a bad habit that I still struggle with occasionally, but I am getting used to letting God honor me for being obedient to him rather than stealing His chance to do so by seeking out my own form of praise.

 

PRAY:  “Spend time inviting God to remind you that he loves you just the way you are, that you cannot earn his approval.  Welcome God to show you your true identity as his child, an identity that is defined not by what you do, but by who you are and to whom you belong.”

 

Dear Heavenly Father, I know you do not make mistakes.  Therefore, there is not a single person on Earth who is not exactly how you intended them to be.  Therefore, we all have been designed to fulfill a unique person.  Lord, please help me and each person reading this to remember that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that you knew us before you knitted us together in our mothers’ wombs, and to behave in a manner worthy of our divine calling, rather than sitting around complaining that we are not like “so-n-so.”  You love us, and want each of us to know that and to experience the truth of that love deep down in our hearts and spirits.  Help us to know what that looks like and to trust it, walking in it daily, without fear of rejection.

 

LIVE:  “Ask a good friend to gently keep you accountable when you begin to promote yourself in front of others.  Be ready to accept your friend’s input.”

Day Thirty-Five: Reflections on Week 5

Well…what a week this has been.

 

It’s back to school time for me.  My first of 3 fall classes began on Monday:  Psychopathology and Counseling.  As one of my required textbooks, I had to obtain the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Fifth Edition).  The book is about 2 inches thick and has just about every common diagnosis a counselor or mental health worker could come across.  It’s pretty interesting, but I have to be careful that I don’t read it looking for all the ways my family members and I match up with the descriptions I come across.  This could be hazardous to my relationships.  But even that thought makes me aware just how easy it could be, potentially, to use a book like this and begin to see people as a diagnosis rather than as a hurting person.  I hope this is not a trap I am going to have to worry about falling into, but I will certainly pray against it because there is one thing that my counseling education has always stressed:  beware of thinking you cannot or will not fall into a certain trap because that thing is not your issue.  That will be the very place where you have left yourself unprotected, and you will eventually fall.

 

A recurring theme for me seems to be discipline.  With the beginning of class, comes the need to be more disciplined about getting my school work done, and about watching how many activities I allow to fill my days.  Not only do those activities affect my school work; they affect my son’s homework schedule as well.  The bad part about homeschooling can often be that, without setting solid priorities and sticking to them, it is far too easy to just go about life (just like in the summer) and put school on hold until tomorrow.  But, as we all know, tomorrow never comes.  For me, having a deadline of Sunday at 11:59 pm is fantastic because I always make that deadline.  However, I find that there are times when I have spent too much time out having fun and have to do homework on Sundays.  Just like this week.  This is going to have to change. 

 

I have been up entirely too late too many nights in a row since returning from Liberty University.  I am going to have to return in about 6 weeks.  I need to go back to the schedule I had before I went to my first intensives; otherwise, I’m not going to be ready to get up and get my day started at 8 a.m.  Another bad thing about staying up too late?  I don’t actually make up for the sleep I lost.  It doesn’t seem to matter if I go to bed at 10 pm or 2 am.  I am going to be up no later than 7:30 most days.  I do infinitely better on more sleep than less.  I know this…and yet, I’ve still been staying up too late.  This is going to have to stop.

 

Finally, the kids and I have not made it to the beach this summer.  We live 2 hours away from the Atlantic, or 40 minutes away from the Chesapeake Bay.  Sand, sun, and salt water are beckoning to me.  I am going to have to listen.  For me, there are not many  things more relaxing than the sound of crashing waves.  And sitting there watching my kids build sand castles, or dig in the sand to watch their holes fill up with water.  Or watching my daughter, the artist, carve animals out of the sand.  Those are just the best. 

 

So…Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to be diligent and disciplined this coming week, both for myself and my health, but also as an example to my children, for it is only by taking care of myself that I am at my best to take care of my children and to do the work you have called me to do.  In Your Son’s Name I Pray, Amen.